Tom Shayes

What we're doing instead of serving Missouri automobile owners.
*PARODY ACCOUNT*

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

@nbergin: Be terrified -- someone's going to go postal. #DMVlivetweets

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Dogs establish dominance by mounting each other. I establish dominance by cropping my boss' desk. #bitch. #pardonthepun.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

'This isn't Facebook and I'm not your friend.' #modmv.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

The only thing that pisses me off more than bumper stickers are inspirational quotes in email signatures.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Stop crying about being in the bottom quartile. It's not like you're in Kansas City or anything.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Coworkers acting like they've never ordered Chinese food before. #cityhall. #stl.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Smells like sawdust.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Sometimes I feel like I'm in an episode of workaholics. @ city hall.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

I don't think it's possible to surround myself (professionally) w more boring people.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

R4: 'What's the date?'
R7: 'The 24.'
R4: 'My yogurt expired on April 3. Should I eat it?'

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Just responded to an email by saying 'Cool.' Time to go home.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

'You don't have to tell me how to do that dance. I go to Wild Country.' @debfromthewall.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Dear Illinois Plate RXA 529:

You suck at driving (and probably at life too).

Regards,

Concerned STL Patriot

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

What's the most polite/professional way to tell someone to 'shut the fuck up'?

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Finally turned on the A/C. Thanks, @MayorSlay.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Market is not driven by growth, but lack of options.'

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

R9: 'How are ya?'
R11: 'Sore and sunburned.'
R9: 'Golf is basically a contact sport.'

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

'Have a good time in Branson.'

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

Too many pills flying around the office this morning. B vitamins. Percs. Alprazolam.

[Tom Shayes @MO_DMV]

“@MikeBloomberg: Pilot program allowing #NYC motorists to pay meters remotely via smartphone: http://t.co/2h2Pykf6vc” Smart. @MayorSlay?