Mom_Pirate ⚓️

Arm chair historian, wordsmith, author of novellas, expert novice at love. super thinker, whiskey drinker. I’m a pirate in a mom disguise 🇯🇲🇺🇸

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

I'm raising money for Help bring comfort to Marshall Fire kids. Click to Donate https://t.co/i4K7xyQ3iA

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@Windows Me all day:

MS: I’ve created a Teams Meeting!
Me: I didn’t ask for a Teams Meeting
MS: Yes, did.
Me: I didn’t
MS: Did you create an event?
Me: I did.
MS: So, I created a Teams Meeting!
Me: But I didn’t ask for a Teams Meeting.
MS: Yes, you did.
Me: Maybe I did.

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

https://t.co/yEkM8mYqkc #GoFundMe #Bears4Boulder #marshallfires

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

Please help! 12.00 buys 2 bears. We want to deliver ASAP. #MarshallFire #Bears4Boulder #BoulderFires @9NEWS @CBSDenver @KDVR

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

I'm raising money for Help bring comfort to Marshall Fire kids. Click to Donate https://t.co/i4K7xyQ3iA

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

I'm raising money for Help bring comfort to Marshall Fire kids. Click to Donate https://t.co/i4K7xyQ3iA

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

Show me how you share a plate of nachos so I’ll understand you better.

[Liz🎀 @LizLiz2021]

Team USA looking a lil rough around the edges a few days before Tokyo Olympics #90DayFiance #90DayFianceHappilyEverAfter

[G-Force-King of the J-Force🔥🔥🔥 @GlennMarFano1]

I don't know, you tell me

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@BCE684 Happy Father’s Day handsome

[Amanda Hugginkiss @AmandaG74588367]

@MomPirate1 Instead of lettuce, just use bacon. You won't even be able to tell the difference

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

On the inside I’m crying uncontrollably, kicking and screaming and clawing at the walls. On the outside I’m blowing smoke and admiring my dope pedicure.

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@emily_tweets I must say I’ve met a lot of dickfaces on here too

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@AmandaG74588367 Omg 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

Leftover Chipotle is a lot like running into your ex at the grocery store: disappointing. So, so disappointing.

[Amanda Hugginkiss @AmandaG74588367]

@MomPirate1 I thought you were gonna say they both give you diarrhea

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@ChickfilA got some damn nerve advertising on a Sunday when they know they ass is closed… got my mouth all fixed for somethin I can’t have

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

Sometimes the only way to make someone happy is to grab a butcher knife and carve a smile on their fucking face.

[Mom_Pirate ⚓️ @MomPirate1]

@BCE684 Eating bad nachos lol