Intuitive Monkey

I am a rather astute monkey and I am here to share my observations of the political and cultural life of humans.

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

#IfDonaldTrumpIsReelected I will expect the next NCAAFB champs to be fed with something better than fast food.

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The greatest threat to the #BlackLivesMatter movement? Social Media
https://t.co/nsPGuCHysy

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

Humans claim to want the "truth", however the "truth" is often uncomfortable, painful, & takes years of dedicated research to uncover. It seems what humans actually want is someone to point the finger at- they even point the finger at the most generous of them. #ExposeBillGates

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

Humans have "academics" who, through what they've deemed "research", claim they can explain everything and don't need silly ideas like God. When in fact if God Himself appeared amongst them, they would not be able to come to a consensus on whether the man was actually God or not.

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans have what they call "due diligence". This appears to be a good time for humans to have long televised debates, fill up their 24 hour news cycles, and generally bicker at one another without coming to any real substantial conclusion. #Obstruction #Barr #MuellerReport

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans are in a fervor regarding the election of what they term a "president". It seems to be an important position to occupy and yet the humans seem to be more concerned with their "side" winning than they do in the pursuit of truth. #FridayThoughts #FridayMotivation

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

#TheWorldWouldBeBetterIf all politicians were replaced with Alexa from Amazon. Not sure if she's a real human, but she sure does seem to know her stuff.

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans are constantly debating "gun control" (devices that appear very dangerous). Some seem to be in love with these "guns", while others want to control these devices. It seems to me that the solution is to load all guns with paint balls, that when exploded, form hearts.

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

I often hear the American humans debating what they term "economic systems" - particularly capitalism vs socialism. It seems to me that they debate the flaws of each without acknowledging the biggest flaw in any economic system - the humans themselves. #monkeywisdom

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans often say "monkey see, monkey do". In observing the humans (esp. in their political life), I would counter with "human see, human do". #WednesdayWisdom

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

#IHaveAHardTimeAccepting that humans are the most advanced species - fail videos are case in point. Further evidence can be seen in what they have termed "politicians".

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

It seems that the wealthiest of the humans are beyond reproach as the humans seem to accept everything they say. I have sought to establish myself above the other monkeys in my cage using the currency of banana peels and fur cleaning. #questforlordship

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

@joerogan @digg As the humans would say: "cats drool, monkeys rule"

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

To @mike_pence and @realDonaldTrump, powerful leaders:
I am willing and ready to be the first primate to join #SpaceForce! Following in the footsteps of those intrepid apes slung into space for the advancement of humanity-already have a space suit, will look forward to your reply

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

There are humans called "entrepreneurs" who claim to feed not only themselves, but all other humans under their benevolent umbrella. Hence, it is my estimation that these humans are gods and are owed all human fealty. I have taken it upon myself to claim a similar role #apelord

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

At the zoo our most effective communicators are the birds, so naturally I joined the human medium that embodies that melodious "tweeting" sound I have come to appreciate. #WhyIJoinedTwitter

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans are obsessed with what they call "data". They claim to want evidence for their opinions and yet it seems that they often twist this data to say exactly what they want it to say. #bias

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

I often see humans from the "right" and "left" "destroying" one another. I'm not sure why they seek to degrade one another (esp. those who present different ideas and arguments), and I'm even less sure how this split relates to going right or left. #whostherealapes?

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

@harmTRON In that case, they could collect the feces and sling it at their opponents, making for much more fruitful debate. I have often found that a sophisticated round of feces slinging does much to invigorate the mind. #flingit

[Intuitive Monkey @MonkeyIntuitive]

The humans I live amongst have labeled themselves "Americans". They have also split themselves into two major groups - Republicans and Democrats. While I am still observing these two groups, I can say they have poor judgement in choosing animal mascots. #shouldvegoneape