Tony Lawrence

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

@jk_rowling I’ll happily lick your fingers 😘

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

@Shefali_oza Beautiful photo… then again it is of you xx

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

@MrBarrymore Congratulations. Keep up the great work

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

@wat_thee_deuce_ Delish

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

@addie_1122 Marvellous memories

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

When I heard U could become a sperm donor by post
I came in a jiffy!

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

My mate bought a waterbed to spice up his love life.
Didn't work though his wife and him drifted further apart...

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

Personally I would rather the politicians went on strike... That would save so many lives and make the world a nicer place

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

My wife said I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti
You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

If you see your glass as half empty
Pour it into a smaller glass and stop bitching 😁

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

"Hey doc, do ya think I'll live long and have a healthy New Year?" He replied, "I seriously doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology bullshit." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

Wishing you all a phosphorous and peas full 2024!

Regards, Autocorrect

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

Everyone is gifted - it's just that some people never open there package.

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

Yesterday they were looking for volunteers to be ventriloquists...
So I put my hand up

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

Breaking news. Gloucester Police are warning local residents about the activities of a cross-eyed burglar.
They are urging anyone who spots the intruder outside their house and peering in through their windows, to warn the people next door.

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

awww bless ‘em

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

I asked the girl who works in the pet grooming parlour out to dinner.
She couldn’t make it, she was washing her hare. 🐇

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

A round of applause for the person who invented the double entendre.

I’d love to give them one….

[Tony Lawrence @Monkresting]

I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends