Brandon

[Brandon the Cow @Brampersandon_]

ME: Why are you hanging up my stocking in July?
DAD (drops lump of coal inside): I like to remind you how shitty you are all year round lol

[Tommytoughstuff @Tommytoughstuff]

[prison riot]
*standing over my origami ducks* "GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"

[Good Kyle @KyleMcDowell86]

HER: Im breaking up with u
ME: Is it because I say "Uh Oh Spaghetti O's" when things go wrong?
HER: Ya
ME:(under breath) Uh Oh Spaghetti O's

[Aimee Helene @AimeeHelene1]

*walks up to microphone during wedding reception*
*taps on mic; everyone smiles*
"Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"

[Jeremy Eagle @iLikeCatShirts]

Just ignore Brent, he's going through a "Goth" phase.

[Jeff Wysaski @pleatedjeans]

"IGNORANCE IS BLISS"

Me (extremely stupid): then why am I so sad?

[Jeff Wysaski @pleatedjeans]

[hiding in pantry from murderer]
[quietly tries to open bag of chips]

[brent @murrman5]

[while being tackled by police dog] what's his name?

[Brandon @MonroeCohn]

There's a story in our town of the prettiest girl around golden hair and eyes of blue

[Brandon @MonroeCohn]

I'm going to work for months, I won't take vacations

[Brandon @MonroeCohn]

Time marches onnnnnnnnnnn

[Beale Street Music Festival @BealeStMusicFes]

we love this city. thanks for always being home, Memphis. #901Day

[Brandon @MonroeCohn]

I love Memphis happy #901day

[✵ stef ✵ @CAPTAlNERD]

“1st September 2017. 19 years later. The scar had no pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well.”

Today is the only day you can rt this.

[Bill 🍌 @bananabillll]

THIS IS THE FUTURE VEGANS WANT

[Brandon @MonroeCohn]

I could drink a pitcher of espresso and still be tired.