Morgan Tookers

It’s not the outfit that makes nurses sexy - it’s the helping people that makes nurses sexy.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I'd probably be able to support myself financially were it not for the biweekly fortune teller visits.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Baseball playoffs! I may not have a dog in this fight, but that's okay because I don't really approve of dog fights anyway.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I incorrectly thought that @justinbieber was just @MileyCyrus' slightly butch alter ego, and now I'm feeling horribly confused.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

My new policy is to sue first and ask questions later. At the arraignment.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

After my seventh prototype failing, I think I will finally abandon my "horseshoes for dogs" idea.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Try as i might, I can't get my dogs to grasp the "throw the ball back" part of fetch...or am I thinking of catch? Back to the drawing board.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

If I'm "kicking butts and taking names," should I introduce myself too? It seems like the polite thing to do.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

On a dinner date it never goes over well when I offer myself as the dessert item.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I can honestly say that tonight was the most romantic night of my life.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Warning: this tweet contains spoilers. Grandma told me my grandpa is the real Heisenberg.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I keep hearing about Dubstep but I'm having trouble finding any of his work. Who is this Dubstep?

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Maybe someday a woman will have the correct response to my Snow Whiting her.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Something about tartar removal makes me crave fish sticks.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Just had a dream about Dr. Leotard wearing a leotard. I thought he was a ballerina at first, but he was just a really good doctor.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Who wants to be serenaded? I'm taking requests.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I'm considering buying a thinking cap. My thinking beret isn't producing any good ideas.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Relax, I'm only growing my fingernails long so I can peel oranges.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I was supposed to play football in college. I was also supposed to go to college.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

Fall is in the air... and so is pollution... and a bird... and the smell of the hotdog vendor.

[Morgan Tookers @MorganTookers]

I love water cooler talk. There are so many strategies to replace those big bottles.