Carl Ward

Proud dad of 3 smashing lads. Sadly separated, but with God's help will find a lovely lady soon. DJ. Weddings my speciality. Still miss Lady Diana.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

RIP Diana, Queen of hearts.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

How do I get a Ukip twitter ribbon, please?

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@keithchegwin @BBUKLive Congratulations on your win Keith (:

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@keithchegwin Thanks for not blocking me, Keith. Don't listen to what everyone's saying. You're not an irrational, shit for brains at all :)

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

How to get piss stains out of mattresses.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@steveindisguise I was one headbutted by that bloke from The Krankees for cracking on to his wife :(

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@domjoly Hi Don, I'm just wondering what you think about all the attacks on @Stevepenk today? Bunch of do gooders, should be ashamed.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@jongaunt How are you doing mate? I haven't been on Twitter for a while. You still looking for work? :/

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

Not a fat one though.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

Or a new girlfriend.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

All I want for Christmas is Sandra :(

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

If anybody needs a dj for your Christmas parties please let me know. I've got all the records, including the new Ebola one.

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

Nice to see so many Christmas avis appearing on my timeline :) #hohoho

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

Happy Martin Luther King day :)

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@K_IngalaSmith Sometimes ladies have their bags next to them on the train. Is that female entitlement?

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@markydeedrop It's got Ukip anthem written all over it :)

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

Can you get Ukip Calypso on iTunes?

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@MikeReadUK You sound almost exactly like a black bloke on your Ukip Calypso, mate. Really funny :)

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@wossy hi mate, do you ever think about making a creative chat show like you used to do in the eighties ?

[Carl Ward @MrCarlWard]

@Jezzebela It's sexy. Sandra threw it in the bin but I retrieved it.