Tucker Rz

The cartoonist behind a whole bunch of crap found across the web.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Hey @Fred_Meyer, are you gonna join @Kohls and @BedBathBeyond in dropping MyPillow for aiding in the insurrection? Please do.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

@Microsoft should consider re-opening the free Windows 10 upgrades to insure all these people suddenly working from home have a secure operating system.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Idea for a new band. It's like Babymetal, but with bagpipes. Call it "Kandy Korn."

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

In Japanese, "chu" can mean the sound a mouse makes or a kiss. And "baka" means idiot.

So does that mean they think of everyone's favorite wookie as a stupid mouse or a bad kisser?

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

To all the artists flooding the internet with Bowsette, stop.

Just stop.

You keep drawing her tail coming out of the middle of her lower back. SPINES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Fix your smut or go home.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Guest: "So wheres's the grill, and what's with this line of dolls?"
Me: "Welcome to my Barbie queue, glad you could make it!"

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

All a machine needs to do to pass the Turing Test is use a sans-serif typeface. This makes it next to impossible to distinguish AI from Al.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Did you hear about that snack cake factory that exploded? The whole town is covered in little debris.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

HEADLINE:
Queen Startles Foul After Knighting Prized Chicken at County Fair

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Alright, grocery store, you've been selling me the same sack of chips for $1.75 all year, and now you slap a sticker on there that says "SAVE! 2 for $4!" You've got a lot of nerve.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Business idea: a combination coffee house and legal practice. Call it "Grounds for Divorce."

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

The shareholders have approved Disney's purchase of most Fox assets. Soon Sweet Dee will be a Disney princess.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

If you're ever struggling to remember how to spell "samurai," just think what you would say to an existential robot named "Sam."

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Package of business card stock: "Print up to 90 business cards!"

Printer: "I'll give you 20."

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

It's nearly one a.m.
I'm sitting alone in the dark.
Bathed in the glow of my monitor.
Gazing at pictures of paper-wrapped charcoal pencils.
Lusting after a toothy sheet of cold-pressed pulp.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

My GI tract is trying to convince me that ice cream does not count as dinner.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

I'm feeling a little like the Son of Sam. I could swear I just heard a dog bark my name.

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Part of me still wants to open a restaurant called "Hanger Management."

[Tucker Rz @MrRzie]

Lucasfilm: "We just killed off an important central character and the fans are pissed!"

Marvel Studios: "Hold my beer!"