Screwjack Pilgrim

I will totally add more to this section later... or will I?

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

@PerryofColumbia I remember when you were the first guy on the block to have Michael Jordan cologne. You pulled it from your jacket pocket.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

Swamp People is the one show I get real emotional watching. But in my defense, if you see me crying, they're mostly crocodile tears.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

The older I get the more I learn that in life, you need balance. Particularly with the washing machine.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

They made me watch the Hunger Games on an empty stomach. I think I really understood what the characters had to go through by the end of it.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

Drinking to health is pretty ironic, considering the beverage you're consuming is probably killing you.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

Sometimes when I see tracker-trailers, it gives me a semi.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I hate corn farmers because they're all a bunch of stalkers!

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

@kingsleye12 I hate it when she's does that to me!

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

@mystifiedsideok You tell me where it went...

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

My penis is an accident waiting to happen.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I wouldn't say that I'm sex-starved necessarily... Just slightly malnourished.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I listen to a lot of music to make the crazy go away. You can see what I have been listening to here: http://t.co/zcLbfB0y

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I'm so dyslexic, I've been protesting SOPA by not showering in the last three days!

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I am the most unoriginal person you will ever come across... and I think that makes me unique!

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

When it comes to music, the ska's the limit.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

#ThingsICantStand #ILovePeopleThat #IFYOULOVEME - I do not know what the hell I'm doing!

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I'm a lot like kidney stones. I may just be passing through, but the experience is going to be painful.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

I could never be a train engineer. I'd always be getting side-tracked.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

The only time I really feel alive is when I am detected by automatic toilets.

[Screwjack Pilgrim @MrScrewjack]

Last time I went to the beach, I caught crabs. From a hermit.