Pass the wine please

A first-time mum's take on the toddler years - trying to survive the daily work/tiny human/soft play/CBeebies obstacle course until Wine O'Clock!

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@GinFund Love it! 🤣

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Anyone else refuse to do Elf on the Shelf? I feel like December is enough of an organisational shitstorm already without running around every evening setting up intricate tableaus starring Jingles-McCreepy-Face pratting about with marshmallows... 🙈🤷‍♀️

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@EssexKate #ElfFreeZone 🙌🥂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@EdinMummy Exactly! It's 4 solid weeks of chaos as it is! #ElfFreeZone 🤣

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@Dishie_585 🤣🤣

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

When @LoveIsland meets #ParentIsland... 🤦‍♀️😂🙈🍷 #ItIsWhatItIs #LieIn #CBeebies https://t.co/EY9IGewGcX

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Fun fact: when Bruno Mars is on tour, his backstage demands consist of A - a pack of wet wipes and B - a bottle of wine. Who knew that a celebrity rider and my daily parenting toolkit would be absolutely identical?? 😂 #ManAfterMyOwnHeart #YaySaturday

[Gill.i.am @GillHall27]

Heartbroken for my dear friend whose daughter is in a Hospice. She’s only 27 but how bloody beautiful is her FB post to let everyone know. Inspirational, funny, brave girl. Life is unfair.

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@MumsnetBloggers new post - 'The Lie Down' 🙈🙄😂 #parentlife https://t.co/uNaq8WcV1d

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

I really think that we need to pop a couple of extra questions into the drivers theory test for parents - small children really are the ultimate hazard 😂 😉
https://t.co/fLjnVg02Pj

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@anywaytostay I know!! 😂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Today's nursery photo - it was labelled 'fun in the garden', but really 'ready to rob a convenience store' seems more appropriate... 😲😂😱 #Sinister #PawPatrolGotDarkRealQuick

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@fungifrolics It is sooo random - it scared the crap out of me when I was casually flicking through the photos from today 😂😂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@fungifrolics We better hide then! 😂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@fungifrolics 'Rubble, Chase, Rocky, Zuma, Psycho, yeah!' 😂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@fungifrolics Actually terrifying 😂

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Should we be more positive about parenting? Sorry Spence - honesty all the way! Things that are worth having are hard work, and hard won - no shame in admitting that! https://t.co/ojPfkdTAId

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Just when you think MasterChef has reached peak food description fuckwittery, Marco Pierre White casually drops 'a perimeter of purée' into the conversation...

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

Can we just all agree to drop the Salsa on Strictly?? Nobody enjoys dancing it, nobody looks forward to watching it, and nobody scores well on it. Time to admit defeat and quietly put it out to pasture... #strictly2018

[Pass the wine please @MumMalarkey]

@WhingeWine @AmyJFretwell @Devman33 @SussexStomach @Amandalee2111 @staroft77639928 @SLBriscoe @jflorez @jillianne_gray @_drazzari @DivaVinophile @TracyPereira20 @ADGuz65 @GailBenzler @AkronWineGuru @i_stephie @Cbp8Cindy @ja2cook @magee333 @CaththeWineLady @cazij @christylgreener @FionaMorgan79 @tomthomas578 @ForTheLifeOf_Me @Pickinguptoys @followourpath @NaomiCharlton1 @infofromcloud @threetimedaddy @HooksandDragons @Autumns_Mummy @Glowing58 @Sarcastic_Dream @mixedupmummy28 @KathyBrimer @rjharman @popcornlunchuk @TheYorkshireDad @themumzilla @MummyTwig @passtheprosecco Aced it... 😂 🥂🍷