Alice_Tweets

I just say what she says.

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

“Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it does buy you stuff that costs money.”

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Alice: “$1000 Trump change not chump change! Omg I have to tell @PressSec !”
Me: “Tweet that!”
Alice: “Er... I don’t know how. You tweet it.”

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

For Jack's snack tomorrow I made him cheese and crackers. And then I made me cheese and crackers. I hope he's as psyched as I was. #momsnack

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

"I love when ppl say Don't judge a book by its cover. I say, A) you're an idiot if you don't, and (B) I will judge your ass extra now."

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

"What if all the Gaines kids become peeping toms bc they are so used to lurking around other ppl's houses before bedtime?" #FixerUpper

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Do you think somewhere on Lake Como George is asking Amal if his buddy can spend a few nights on the couch... a week, tops? #Brangelina

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Of course she prob can't show it in front of Justin ... She's prob been face timing/day drinking with Courtney Cox all day. #Brangelina

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Me: I wonder what Jennifer Aniston thinks of all this..
Alice: There's no one I'd rather be today. #Brangelina

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

On her 11th wedding anniversary, "So amazing! My wedding shoes still fit!!!"

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

I fantasize about living in a tiny house but I know I could never do it because tag sales take a lot of work.

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Alice binge watching @BachParadise before the final: "If I were on the wagon, I'd take a shot when Lacey is not taking a a shot."

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Alice: "I finished the hour long online test in 20 mins"
Me: "you're like the Zappos of online tests."
Alice: "Question 1, DING DONG!"

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

"We need to open a diner and serve a Fetty Wap Feta Wrap."

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

I assume when @RobGronkowski is not out in public, he's sleeping like a puppy at the foot of his own bed.

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

I love complimentary shipping. "Here's your package. Have you lost weight?"

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Sometimes I turn the brightness up all the way on my phone, and I'm like TREAT YOSELF!

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

There was a wine tasting at the liquor store I went to on the way to the supermarket and now there are Oreos in my cart.

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

Alice: "I hate that I have to google the slang."
Me: "what slang?"
Alice: "I'm not telling..."

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

"I didn't want to let a slightly overripe banana go to waste, so I put it in a kids bowl, poured kahlua on top, and took it with me to bed."

[Alice_Tweets @MySisterAlice]

"I think the "quick" strep test which, with a negative result, requires two more days for results, should be called a strep tease."