Chloe Carter

Fuck your chicken strips. || Follow me on Instagram @thenarwhalmaster

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

I get Archer to go to sleep at 8:30 yet I can't go to sleep until 11:00.

Why am I like this?

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

All I want for Christmas is my own personal Target store. Is that asking too much?

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

I think the reason I always ditch twitter though is because my life isn't super exciting - I don't party, go out or anything like that.

I just get screamed at, pooped on, run over, & slobbered on all day. I'm too busy with all that to have a twitter worthy life.

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Making my temporary return to twitter. Let's see how this goes.

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

I can only imagine what my life would be like if I had @dylansprouse luxurious blonde hair #hairgoals #jellyaf

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

When you want Panera but your wallet says PB&J 😂💸

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Trying to be a good parent by only whispering obscenities instead of shouting them so I don't wake the baby #parentingskills

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

in all seriousness though, my 3 week old is the size of a 2 month old

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Every time I go to the dr for Archer and they tell me how big he is I'm kind of glad I didn't have to push him out #bigbaby

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

If you're anyone other than a white male, I have no idea why you would vote for Trump

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Hello again twitter 👽

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

What the actual fuck 😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/boGwpW91bW

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

PSA: do NOT block the lanes to the parking lot. Don't park your car to wait for someone. Just don't. It makes me want to punch everyone

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

I have no self control when it comes to ice cream

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Anyways. I guess I'll try this unauthentic knock off painkiller made with white rum and I'll let you know how it turns out

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

Just so you all know this rant was typed with me being 100% sober because I'm so disappointed with myself that I still haven't made a drink

[Chloe Carter @NarwhalMaster]

And I'm sure white rum will be fine. I mean. For fucks sake it's alcohol AND I'm going to drink it in my cool stolen tiki cup