aditya Mayya

Just another grocery clerk gone bad, sucker for French poetry and rhinestones

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Out of work comic looking to get booked

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Decided I’m going to be a guy who unprompted brings up the screenplay he’s working on and when asked any follow-ups respond with “well I just haven’t lived the ending yet.”

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Texting every one in my phone “we are so conditioned not to love” and then a four minute audio message of the ambient noises a deep fryer at a KFC makes

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

You can tell a group of male friends have reached a crossroads of whether they’ll be forever disappointing degenerates or productive members of society when they all simultaneously get really into Entourage

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

@horny4salad My guess is those were wings but my headcanon for the daily life of turdis is that it was actually deep fried pickles. Mmm mmm good boy do I love deep fried pickles. Sometimes I’ll eat a sandwich and I won’t apologize for that.

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

If I were to release a comedy album, I’d title it “Legalize Wit” and have the title spelled out in joints. The background would be pot leaves that Calvin is pissing on. I’d spend most of my set discussing the Glass-Steagall Act.

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

*flirtatiously* I NEVER do this *serves you divorce papers*

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

you want “weird”? this week tim walz went to a restaurant, ate a meal, stayed a total of 45 minutes or so, and left without crying. i would call that a little weird, wouldn’t you

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

In Canada if you have a hit song they name a trophy after you. This is a reference to the coincidence that famed artist Corey Hart shares a name with the NHL MVP award. In many ways I’d say the dysentery has affected my sense of joy the most.

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

one of the many tough things about the continual degeneration of the right is that a lot of them don't even understand sports anymore. we used to at least be able to connect over that. now they just want to talk about how there are more interracial couples in yogurt commercials

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

As a kid I was a really picky eater, but now as an adult I’ve lost interest in everything that once gave me joy so I’ll put pretty much anything into my body

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

41-year-old man in the year 2023 yelling “snape kills dumbledore!” at people walking into the last remaining barnes and noble

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

In a bit of a munchausen by proxy kinda mood if anyone wants to come over

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

this year we celebrate 20 years of music! music was invented by chingy in 2003. today there’s an astonishing variety of music, and although much of it doesn’t at all sound like chingy’s hit songs, it all represents the legacy of a truly remarkable man

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

As terrible as the second half of the 2010s were, you gotta admit we’re all real fortunate that Glee ended before they could cover any Hamilton songs

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

“It’s not over ‘till the fat lady BINGS!”

- My dad, 7 white claws in, sneering at my mom for enforcing her tradition of ending every thanksgiving by using an alternative search engine to look up the word “family”

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Every so often I like to read articles about notable people as motivation to make something of myself

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

I was today years old when I learned that Dylan Sprouse is actually a trauma-induced psychological delusion by Cole Sprouse and that our generation’s mass decision to pretend he’s real has been described by NATO as “essentially, mean spirited.”

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Oppenheimer. Wow. Audiences are back in the theatre. My entire screening screamed "Caaaaaase" as soon as Casey Affleck showed up. We were throwing popcorn kernels at each other as if they were neutrons colliding. Everyone did the wave to mimic the signal of a gamma ray.

[aditya Mayya @Nbtful]

Ah damn, Metro Station broke up

[Jon Bois @jon_bois]

if you ever want to taunt a patriots fan, tell them that they were losing in super bowl LIV by a score of 28 to 3. they never have a comeback for that. there’s literally nothing they can counter with. they always get so mad