Neil Bever

I'm a loose cannon, but I'm the best there is

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

How did Jock Jams know that Cotton Eye Joe was not only a sports song, but the greatest sports song ever?

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

At what age should someone stop putting their mom as their emergency contact? Asking for a friend...

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Here's 75 Reasons Why The Lego Movie is the Perfect Movie (45 minute read)

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

@SheaSerrano you're the blueprint to a real man

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

The only definitive thing I can say about becoming an adult is that you don't get to jump on trampolines as much.

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

What's it gonna take for someone to put some motivational text over a picture of me looking off into the distance?

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Still mad I got kicked out of Me Before You for yelling "KHALEESI MOTHER OF DRAGONS BREAKER OF CHAINS" every time Emilia Clarke was onscreen

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

@T_Palms23 5:31 PM- was named WWF Champion of Household Objects

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Coolest McConaughey's

1. Sahara
2. Lincoln commercials
3. True Detective
4. Angels in the Outfield
5. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

I heard a dog barking at me, but then I looked and saw it was wearing a shirt. For some reason that made me feel safer.

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Writing your wedding vows is hard because Ginuwine only wrote so many lyrics for "Pony"

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Why is it so hard to find a wedding DJ, when all we want is for someone to play "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly in its entirety?

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

You can't take me to an @theavettbros concert and then not expect me to grow my beard out

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

The best ways to establish your space in a close quarter situation are proper footwork and a package of beef jerky.

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Just trying to get famous enough so I can visibly not have fun on a celebrity game show

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Country music peaked when Richie McDonald of Lonestar screamed "There's bubblegum in the baby's hair!"

[hannah @TribalSpaceCat]

Very normal stages of anger:
1) kinda upset
2) crying
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

@T_Palms23 No amount of hard work will ever beat high school talent in a small town that lacks any kind of real size. Cream of the crop.

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Why is this lady is even on Jeopardy if her husband WON THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT? Weren't you satisfied with your jet ski

[Neil Bever @neilbever]

Being home is nice, because my mom keeps me updated on how many likes different posts on Facebook have