Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher

Recently Qualified HT of a disadvantaged school in the Midlands. Special, special measures! Some tweets are true(ish). [email protected]

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening staff,

With Ofsted in tomorrow and as part of our broad and balanced curriculum, I have arranged for our Nurture group to visit Harry Potter World. They will leave at 6am Tuesday and return at 9pm on Thursday.

If anyone asks, it’s been arranged for months!

RQFHT

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Afternoon all,

Staffing update: Mr Farage has taken over from Mrs Treylawney as Inclusion Diversity Equity Lead. He has some interesting ideas and we can’t wait to see what he does.

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Afternoon all,

Due to an IT related incident, all of the laptops have been infected with malware. We thought CJ, from Class 4, had been working on resolving this. Unfortunately, he managed to hack the school MIS and has changed all pupil names to Piss Flaps.
Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening all,

Please can all Year 6 staff meet with me tomorrow to go through the KS2 SATs Admin Procedures. If we get a visit from the LA, follow the attached doc. If not, you know what to do!

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening staff,

The staff v pupils football match ended with tears, tantrums, a few broken bones and a humiliating defeat. Mr Ferguson was warned about his behaviour several times and will not be allowed to take part in the future.

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,
The budget is tight this year. Our new BDM, Mrs Peaves , has devised a fair system for allocating heating to classrooms. Please complete the attached 400 page document by the morning. The heating will remain off until we have collated all the information.
Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,
In the interests of wellbeing, we are introducing a Well-balanced Affable Nurturing Kindness Club
We want to censure that staff look after their mental health and attend W.A.N.K sessions to ease stress.
Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,
To improve communication channels home we’ve implemented the Parent information Support System. We guarantee increased access to class teachers and there will be PISS all throughout the day.
Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

@secretHT1 Maybe having a complaints department which is independent of Ofsted, would be a good place to start.

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Afternoon all,

The school council have worked hard on the new Houses and have chosen the following towns from Lincs: Sleaford, Healing, Ingoldmells and Thetford.

Children will be split into each house and will spend considerable time talking and immersing themselves in S.H.I.T

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,

Due to the teacher pay rises, we are having to make some cut backs to staffing and increase pupil numbers by five, in each class.

In other, unrelated news, please ensure there is at least one parking space around my new car.

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,
As you know, we’d never try to replicate Ofsted. This morning the MAT will be doing submersive swoops in fonicks, mafs and inglish.
Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning staff,

The latest Disciplinary Policy is attached, version 7.2. Please sign all 72 pages to acknowledge you have read and understood. This needs completing by 3.30pm today or disciplinary procedures may be forthcoming, as described on page 67, paragraph 3.

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening year 6 staff,

Well done after today’s SATs monitoring visit, you all played a blinder.

You know what to do in the raednig tset tomrrow!

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning staff,
As you know one of our schools had ‘the call’ last week. There was a huge focus on staff well-being. I would really appreciate it if you could complete the attached 47 page questionnaire. By selecting ‘strongly agree’, you will provide lots of good evidence.
Cheers

[SLT Newbie @NewbieSlt]

Hi all,
We have the results of the staff numeracy tests we gave you on Monday. Two thirds of you passed and the other 45% will have to retake it this evening.
Thanks x

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

@NoContextBrits

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

@David__Osland We now have lovely, blue passports

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Morning all,

The CEO will be doing a learning walk this morning. She has requested the children are outside when she is in school so she can really look into T&L. Please make sure everywhere is tidy. The last time she was here, there was a leaf left on the playground.

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening HTs,

The new Acting Associate Alternative Executive Head has been a fantastic addition to the team. Since Sept, we now have the highest number of:
Suspensions
PX’s
Persistent absence
Staff on capabilities
Formal complaints

The CEO is thrilled

Cheers

[Recently Qualified Fake Headteacher @NewlyFake]

Evening all,

The CEO had reviewed all of our 27 EHCP’s. We’ve worked out that Mrs Blackadder can work with them all together in the dining room. This will save us thousands and help pay for the new IT Suite at head office.

Cheers