Nick Zike

I laugh at my own jokes. Mainly because no one else hears them.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@JoeToplyn Having maggots on my flight would really bug me.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

It was the first instant message that resulted in a full sentence.
https://t.co/cQHWBZBTlB

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

The would-be wizard entered a bank and said, "This is a stick up!"

https://t.co/mOlIpfNau5

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

The dog license finally came in the mail today. The timing was perfect because we went out for a walk and got pulled over.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

After the Deep State's success getting the @Chiefs a win at #SuperBowlLVIII I heard the @Mets are trying to set up Pete Alonso and Lady Gaga.

#TaylorSwift #SuperBowl2024 #

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@RubberBAnders When death gives you lemonade... 💀

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@joshgondelman Even a joke with a great angle will fail if the audience is too obtuse.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@howardfoxjokes The thought of it makes my head spin

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

Humanity wiped out in 250 million years? That's really optimistic.

https://t.co/UuxOmQkJUd

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@Realeugenelevy If they think Martin Short isn't funny, I'm afraid to see what they're gonna write about me.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@EricIdle @TaniaIdle Congratulations! I am so happy to hear your marriage is working out better than whoever is stocking cards at @Hallmark

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@howardfoxjokes Cultural appreciation.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

#tuesdayvibe #homeownership

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@RubberBAnders Why send canaries into a coal mine? It's more efficient to send children, and cheaper too.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

The argument against abortion is only to solve the nation's labor crisis! This makes sense.
https://t.co/g6KwwWgEA3

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

Hey @StephenAtHome, loved your monolog but you really missed an opportunity by not using "Mission: In-pocket-able"

@colbertlateshow

[NSFW_news @NSFW_news]

'Toon by Dave Coverly.

RT @speedbumpcomic

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

@LooneyTunes Hold my carrot.

[Brett Anders @RubberBAnders]

* Starts packing suitcases.

[Nick Zike @NicholasZike]

Republicans only want a national divorce so they can celebrate 2 Christmases. #NationalDivorce