Nick Beggs

Disgruntled Provocateur

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Today marks the 23rd anniversary of our marriage and the Medical Toast Clinical Trial.

After 8,000 breakfast interventions,Test Subject A remains clinically stable, despite chronic Husband Induced Irritability.
Ethics approval is still pending.
Happy Anniversary, Test Subject A.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Clinical Trial No. 427
Medical toast was prepared overnight using state of the art nanobot technology. The toast performed flawlessly. Subject A (wife) exhibited acute irritation upon waking. Treatment therefore failed to meet its primary endpoint.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

@FIL_BASS Judge for yourself: https://t.co/SDUcK5QIeQ

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Today I’m administering medical toast in an emergency situation. My wife is experiencing a very stressful wedding and my intention is to take her mind off it. (Medical toast should only used by qualified professionals.)

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Wife very stressed this morning. Medical Tetris Toast administered.
Wife happy. Job done. #MedicalToast-Tris.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Each morning I administer Medical Toast to my wife, she looks at me like I have a piece missing.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

My wife has accrued so many points on her licence, and attended so many speed awareness courses, that one more strike and she’ll be banned. So, in an attempt to make her drive within the speed limit, this morning I’m utilising an old Sigmund Freud technique…

Hypno-toast.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

@Battybarbara1 It’s a method by which the polarising ions are suppressed until reaching the epidermis. Are you familiar with my work?

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

My wife was overseeing a particularly stressful wedding yesterday.
This morning I’ve wheeled out the big guns: a high-dose Medical Toast protocol.
Prognosis: guarded but optimistic. Early signs are encouraging.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Medical toast works via three key mechanisms. First, it infiltrates the host cell by exploiting Trojan Horse fructose. Next, it renders the cell’s DNA completely inert through a process known as carbo-genomic suppression. Finally, it leaves behind a faint but buttery aftertaste.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

@UprightTone Believe?
Show me the data Catweezle.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

As myessay in The Lancet will undoubtedly attest, the medical benefits of irregularly cut toast on human physiology cannot be overstated. My wife has served as the principal subject in this longitudinal study for the past 27 years and is exhibiting only minor signs of irritation.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

The Wife’s morning toast algorithm is always very specific.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

It’s too hot for sleeping in houses. I’m happy sleeping out under the stars, counting satellites instead of sheep. Night Night🌛✨

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Licky.
No
Bitey!💦

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

@censored_lady Rich who?

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

The Greater Good at The Black Lion.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

@ade_w17 @SomeMusicDude Well thankyou Ade. X

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Cool mat acrobat.

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

Spent the morning rehearsing with The Beggs Sisters. Happy Father’s Day.

https://t.co/HAvb7JBWcP

[Nick Beggs @NickBeggs]

The Bass of Goo undergoing a full service for its appearance at the Royal Albert Hall in October.