I think I've come to terms with the fact that THIS is it.
There isn't gonna be a happy ending.
No love gained. No respect earned.
I am going to be alone til its over.
I knew I'd be alone, but I guess I had hoped it'd end. Silly me.
My most irrational take?
I feel like back in middle school I was asked if id rather be invisible or fly and I chose invisible and it actually happened. Im 30 and unseen.
Sometimes I forget my timeline.
My mother had me at 32, died at 50.
My dad had 3 kids with a mother of 2 kids that had been taken from her.
Maybe, the trick is to lower my standards and be manipulative?
My doctor prescribed me therapy.
How do I tell them I lied about so much of my past addictions?
Im not depressed,
my life is just depressing.
[Albeit less than its ever been]