Nick Swardson

TOILET HEAD FEB 12th

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Saw someone with "my warm up is your work out" shirt. Well, my casual drinking is your alcohol poisoning so fuck you.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Me and my old friend @bertkreischer talk into microphones

https://t.co/yILlzaXycp

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Rams picked up Myles Garrett BUT in a bold move the Minnesota Vikings picked up Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life and are now looking at Tootie. @MeatSauce1

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Respect and love to our service men and women. I’ve donated to this for a long time. Very important. https://t.co/6C7IIjzsNr

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Pick your ideal director for ‘He-Man: Masters Of The Universe’. I want to see Michael Mann’s take with 1980 Don Johnson as He-Man. Skeletor would be David Spade (no make up).

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

On the east coast for the summer. Still can’t get used to sports time zone change. I’m not saying I’m getting old but when a game goes into over time or extra innings, I will not be seeing the end of that game. 😂

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

As a lifelong MN sports fan… can you die from optimism?

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Go @mnwild ! When you’re playing Colorado don’t rip cocktails and edibles before the game. Sincerely, Nick in Vail. 🤙

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Go Minnesota!! Yay! Love Minnesota!! @mnwild @Timberwolves

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

@Timberwolves @mnwild
YAY MINNESOTA!! GO MINNESOTA!! LOVE MINNESOTA!! ♥️ great day for Minnesota!! I’m from Minnesota!!

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

@Timberwolves @mnwild YAY MINNESOTA!!! Go Minnesota!! Love Minnesota!! Great day! #Minnesota ♥️

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Just finished the TV show ‘Dark Matter’ on Apple. I have questions. A LOT OF QUESTIONS. 😂 pretty mind blowing they pulled off a show of that scope and subject. Has anyone seen it? Season 2 dropping in August.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

To replace Ant and Divincenzo the Timberwolves are now talking about getting Kirk Cousins to play both positions for 400 million dollars guaranteed and surround him with actual wolves.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Just heard the @Vikings are torn between Mark Rosen and Lee Ann Chin in the 1st round. @MeatSauce1 @KFAN1003

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

RIP Prince today. You’re missed every day 💜 Go @Timberwolves ! Go @mnwild

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Let’s go WILD!!! @mnwild

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Happy 20th anniversary to The Benchwamers!! Howie will be appearing at Astronomicon this weekend in Ann Arbor! Fri-Sun.
https://t.co/lBeg38T6x6

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Just announced! Sequel to Project Hail Mary. ‘Project Nail Gary’ starring Gary Busey as a carpenter on Saturn. Summer 2085.

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

If you want to see me talk with my friend @Edelman11 while also looking like a melted candle/snow man made out of cookie dough, peep my YouTube channel @swardnation 🤙 😂

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Let’s go Kyler Murray! Or Bill Murray at this point. Or Anne Murray. Maybe a guy named Murray that owns a deli. Just don’t fuck this up. 👿 SKOL

[Nick Swardson @NickSwardson]

Ok, talking to comedians and musicians about a cruise. SIDE NOTE: if you could pick any 5 comics and 2 bands THROUGH OUT HISTORY to do a cruise with, who would they be? 😂 remember you’re on a boat with them for a week. Who you got? The Doors? Carlin? Tupac? Carrot Top? 😂