💌 9.39PM
Around the time of the June Inspire concert, I was going through a mentally difficult period for various reasons. That person also found out around that time, and it is true that, at the time, I was somewhat emotionally dependent on them.
I also know that this story may sound like an excuse. But I want to make it clear that I did not say those words toward the villains I truly loved and believed in.
It would also be a lie to say that I had never once been dissatisfied with the members with whom I always lived and shared so much of our work and private lives. However, I can say without a shred of shame that I sincerely cherished and loved the members while I was active with XDIZ, and that I was always grateful for the love the Villains sent me.
The members were always people I was proud of and Villains were always people I was grateful for.
Now, there is no longer any way for me to prove it, nor is there any chance to rebuild the broken trust even once again. Still, I wanted to make it clear one last time that my feelings toward the fans and my feelings toward the members were always sincere.
I believe that how deeply I have loved my fans and the members is best known to the fans who have been with me for so long, the staff and employees who worked with me, the members I love, and my close friends and acquaintances.
Lastly, I would like to sincerely apologize to my fans, who have been hurt the most by this matter.
What hurts me the most is knowing that all the time and love you gave me to support me, and even the moments when you trusted me, may now feel meaningless or wasted.
In the end, I have left a wound that you cannot easily erase, just as you loved me. Knowing that the people I love and care about are suffering because of me is incredibly painful.
Even now, none of this feels real, and it feels like I’m living through a nightmare. If this is how I feel, I can’t even begin to imagine how much harder this must be for all of you.
I’m truly sorry.
I know that simply saying I’m sorry cannot fully express the pain I’ve caused, nor can it undo it.
Fansigns and fan meetings, concerts, overseas tours, festivals…
So many moments I’ve shared with Villains come flooding back to me.
Thank you, sincerely, for giving me so much love and so many memories throughout all those years. I will never forget the love you gave me or the memories we made together.
Thank you so much for loving and supporting someone as imperfect as me all this time.
💌 9.39PM
Although I wasn’t able to give you a beautiful ending, thanks to Villains, I am leaving with so many happy moments in my life that I will never be able to forget.
Although I am now leaving Xdinary Heroes, I will never forget the love and affection you gave to me as Gun-il.
And wherever I may be in the future, I will always cheer for your lives as well.
Please continue to give our XDIZ lots and lots of love and support.
The five members are all wonderful, amazing, and lovable younger brothers to me, without exception.
Although I won’t be able to fulfill the dream of performing at Wembley together with them, I will now stand one step behind them, cheering them on and supporting them so that they can someday achieve that dream.
I poured everything I had into Xdinary Heroes and Villains. I really loved it all, and I loved you all so much.
Thank you for sharing my youth with me.
This was Goo Gun-il. Thank you.
안녕하세요 빌런즈, 구건일입니다.
아마 이 인사가 엑디즈로서 드리는 마지막 인사가 될 것 같습니다.
저는 정말 끝까지 엑디즈로 남고 싶었고, 여섯 명의 엑디즈를 지키고 싶었습니다. 하지만 아시다시피 회사의 결정을 어쩔 수 없이 받아들이기로 했습니다.
저도 아직도 현실감이 잘 느껴지지 않습니다.
빌런즈에게 하고 싶은 말이 정말 많습니다. 어디서부터, 어떻게 이야기해야 할지 아직도 잘 모르겠습니다.
하지만 이제 더 이상 엑디즈의 멤버가 아닌 만큼, 저를 위해 사실을 감추거나 거짓으로 변명하고 싶지 않습니다. 제가 직접 말씀드려야 할 것들이 남아있다고 생각해 이렇게 글을 씁니다.
우선 이번 일의 시작이 된 글의 작성자는 지인을 통해 알게 되어 약 2주 정도 만났던 사람입니다.
당시 저는 이전부터 이어진 악플들과 저에 대한 사실이 아닌 이야기들, 그리고 엑디즈의 음악과 공연에 대한 여러 고민들로 인해 심적으로 많이 지쳐 있었습니다. 가까운 사람들에게 걱정을 끼치며 속마음을 털어놓기보다는, 오히려 저를 잘 모르는 낯선 사람에게 답답한 마음을 털어놓는 것이 편하게 느껴졌던 시기였습니다.
빌런즈에게 공개된 통화 녹음에서 팬들을 향해 불미스러운 발언을 한 사람은 제가 맞습니다.
어떤 이유에서든 제가 그런 말을 했다는 사실 자체는 변하지 않습니다. 실망하고 상처받으셨을 모든 분들께 진심으로 죄송합니다.
다만 당시 제가 어떤 상황과 감정 속에 있었는지, 그리고 그 말이 누구를 향한 것이었는지는 사실대로 말씀드리고 싶습니다.
��해 초 저희 숙소에 사생팬들이 침입하는 사건이 있었을 뿐더러 제 개인 차량에 위치추적기를 달고 따라다니기까지 했었습니다. 그런 일들을 겪으면서부터 일부 악성 팬들에 대한 두려움과 반감이 많이 생겼고, 심적으로도 많이 힘든 시간을 보냈습니다.
하지만 저는 리더이기도 했고 형이기도 했기에 제 두려움이나 불안함을 쉽게 이야기하지 못했습니다. 최대한 스스로 감정을 다스리며 지내려고 했습니다.
그러던 중 올해 6월, 멤버들과 함께 빌런즈에게 정말 최고의 공연을 보여드리자는 마음으로 인스파이어 아레나 콘서트를 준비했습니다. 정말 최선을 다해 준비했고, 첫날 공연을 마친 뒤 기대하는 마음으로 SNS를 확인했습니다.
물론 모든 공연이 완벽할 수 없고, 저희 역시 부족한 부분을 인정하고 계속 발전해야 한다고 생각합니다. 하지만 그날은 공연에 대한 의견이나 비판을 넘어 저희가 이해하기 어려울 정도의 악의적인 글들을 많이 보게 됐습니다.
진심을 다해 준비했던 공연이었기에 예상하지 못했던 비난과 악성 댓글들을 보며 감정적으로 많이 무너졌던 것 같습니다.
그렇다고 해서 회사 분들이나 멤버들에게 걱정을 끼쳐드리고 싶지 않아서 제 감정을 쉽게 털어놓을 수도 없었습니다. 결국 만난 지 얼마 되지 않은 사람에게 쌓여 있던 감정을 털어놓았고, 그 과정에서 너무 강하고 잘못된 표현들을 서슴없이 내뱉었습니다.
그 대화가 녹음되고 공개될 것이라고는 생각하지 못했습니다. 그러나 공개 여부와 관계없이 제가 그런 말을 했다는 것 자체가 잘못이라는 점은 분명히 알고 있습니다.
다만 한 가지는 꼭 말씀드리고 싶습니다.
당시 제가 감정적으로 이야기했던 대상은 익명 뒤에 숨어 저희를 무분별하게 비난하거나 사생활을 침해했던 일부 악성 팬들이었습니다. 저희를 믿고 응원해주신 모든 빌런즈를 향해 했던 말은 절대 아니었습니다.
그동안 제가 성실하고 든든한 리더의 모습을 보여드리려고 노력해왔기에 이번 일을 통해 느끼셨을 실망과 배신감이 더욱 컸을 거라고 생각합니다. 그 점 정말 죄송스럽게 생각합니다.
6월 인스파이어 콘서트 전후로 저는 여러 가지 이유로 심적으로 힘든 시기를 보내고 있었습니다. 그 사람 역시 그즈음 알게 되었고, 당시 심적으로 어느 정도 의지했던 것도 사실입니다.
이 이야기가 변명처럼 들릴 수 있다는 것도 알고 있습니다.
하지만 제가 정말 사랑하고 믿었던 빌런즈를 향해 그런 말을 한 것이 아니라는 것만큼은 분명하게 말씀드리고 싶습니다.
또한 늘 함께 생활하고, 일과 사생활의 많은 부분을 공유하는 멤버들에게 단 한 번도 불만이 없었다고 말한다면 그것 역시 거짓말일 것입니다. 하지만 제가 엑디즈로 활동하는 동안 멤버들을 진심으로 아끼고 사랑했다는 것, 그리고 빌런즈가 보내주신 사랑에 늘 감사했다는 것만큼은 한 치의 부끄러움 없이 떳떳하게 말씀드릴 수 있습니다.
제게 멤버들은 언제나 자랑스러운 사람들이었고, 빌런즈는 언제나 감사한 사람들이었습니다.
💌 9.39PM
Hello Villains, This is Gun-il
I think this will probably be my last greeting to you as a member of Xdinary Heroes.
I really wanted to remain Xdinary Heroes until the very end, and I wanted to protect the six-member Xdinary Heroes. But as you all know, I had no choice but to accept the company’s decision
Even now, it still doesn’t feel real to me.
There are so many things I want to say to Villains. I still don’t know where or how to begin. But now that I am no longer a member of Xdinary Heroes, I don’t want to hide the truth or make excuses with lies just to protect myself. I believe there are things that I need to tell you myself, which is why I am writing this.
First of all, the person who wrote the post that started all of this was someone I met through an acquaintance and we dated for about two weeks.
At the time, I was mentally very exhausted because of the malicious comments and false rumors about me that had been going on for some time, as well as the various concerns I had about XDIZ’s music and performances. Rather than burdening the people close to me by opening up about how I was feeling, I was at a point where it felt easier to vent my frustrations to a stranger who didn’t really know me.
The person who made the inappropriate remarks about fans in the phone recording that was made public to Villains was indeed me. Regardless of the reason, the fact that I said those things does not change. I sincerely apologize to everyone who was disappointed and hurt by what I said.
However, I want to honestly explain what kind of situation and emotional state I was in at the time and who those words were directed toward.
Earlier this year, sasaeng fans broke into our dorm, and they even put a tracking device on my personal vehicle and followed me around. After experiencing things like that, I developed a lot of fear and resentment toward certain malicious fans, and I went through a very difficult time emotionally.
But because I was the leader and also the oldest hyung, I couldn’t easily talk about my fears or anxiety. I tried my best to control my emotions and carry on.
Then, in June of this year, I prepared for the Inspire Arena concert with the members, wanting to give Villains the absolute best performance we could. We prepared incredibly hard, and after finishing the first day’s performance, I checked social media with excitement and anticipation.
Of course, no performance can ever be perfect, and I believe we need to acknowledge our shortcomings and continue improving. However, that day, I saw a lot of malicious posts that went beyond criticism or opinions about the performance, things that were difficult for us to understand.
Because it was a performance I had prepared with all my heart, I think I broke down emotionally a lot when I saw the unexpected criticism and malicious comments.
That said, I didn’t want to cause worry to the company people or the members, so I couldn’t easily open up about my feelings. In the end, I poured out the emotions I had been holding back to someone I had only met not long ago, and in the process, I blurted out expressions that were too strong and wrong without hesitation.
I never thought that conversation would be recorded and made public. However, regardless of whether it was made public, I am fully aware that the very fact that I said such a thing was wrong.
There is only one thing I absolutely want to say.
At the time, the people I was speaking about emotionally were some malicious fans who, hiding behind anonymity, recklessly blamed us and violated our privacy. It was never what I said to all the villains who believed in and supported us.
I believe that because I have tried to show you the image of a diligent and reliable leader, the disappointment and sense of betrayal you may have felt through this matter must have been even greater. I sincerely feel very sorry about that.