To be clear, I have no sympathy for findoms. However, looking at what I can do to control this addiction means looking at me. At my core I feel ashamed. The altered state of active addiction is where I escape it. Eventually I return to the shame.
@libriscent I lived this in a very real way. 15 years ago I got my own place and stopped living with people caught up in addiction and neurotic beliefs, and it changed a lot of things I thought were wrong with me.
The addiction doesn’t need you to like it.
It just needs you to keep coming back after every round of regret. That’s why ‘I’ll stop tomorrow’ turns into months so easily.
@Vicophobia01 Very relatable. I often get a feeling like I’m forgetting something and poof. It’s too late. It doesn’t happen as much now that I’m in middle age, but it still happens, and it makes me feel like I can’t control it.
I had promised to give up Findom many times before. So many promises made to myself, to my deceased pets, and even to God... I broke every single one of them. This time, I didn't make any promises, and I'm actually doing it... Thank you all so much for the support 🫶🏻
I do not get stimulated by healthy things unless I stay abstinent for a long time. Then I return to my old behaviors, or more accurately, behaviors that are outside of what I want my boundaries to be.
The hardest part of recovery for me isn’t just stopping the habit. I’ve stopped countless times. It’s what I replace the habit with. What should feel like healthy intimacy and what actually stimulates me are not the same.
Normalize cutting people off permanently after a major betrayal. Second chances are for honest mistakes, not intentional harm. If you knowingly choose to hurt me, you lose access to me for good. Not every bridge deserves rebuilding.