NoLuckWanted

You say immoral; I say make it a double.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Sometimes I find myself craving human contact. Other times I'm not horny.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

HAHA Thanks @Shane_Rodenbeck! I forgot about that old hero pussy tweet. We still need more true heroes in this world!

[SHANIE BOY™ @Shane_Rodenbeck]

A Brought To Life Tweet #1598: a joke by @NoLuckWanted

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Vagrancy suits me.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Hey babe @THEBU_ZZED! I miss you and I'm going abroad for a year. Let's meet up on a beach in Thailand. Text me.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

I have a short attention span and I'd rather be drinking, so exactly how fucking far do I have to scroll to find a tweet you wrote?

[ReeseButCallMeV @ReeseButCallMeV]

No one gets killed from atheism.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

The guys with their bombs are cute, but if a few menstruating women ever form a terrorist cell, the world is in for some apocalyptic shit.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Ahhh yes @TheB0MBS... the good ole' days. When I was funny and your herpes was in remission. hahah, good to see you though babe. xoox

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Some guy is busy starring my old tweets which is hilarious because it makes me remember I used to be funny.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Someone just called me a cynical bitch, which is strange because I've always thought people didn't understand the real me.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

I only wax when I'm sexually active, so I think the fact that I could braid my shit means it's time to get laid.

[kam @kamtweeting]

I don't drink because I'm sad. I drink because the world is.

[Lector @Alora_Bella]

All you know about me is what I sold you.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

I like to preach morality at 10:00 AM while I drink mimosas and run my gambling websites because irony is hilarious.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

WHAT? A selfie and a shoutout for $500 @TheB0MBS? I'll give you a black eye and a happy ending for $20. Deal?

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

Someone just posted that their tweets are worth $14,000, which is weird because I didn't realize the price of horse shit had gone up.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

A guy with a cart full of wine at Publix just told some lady her screaming kid was a fucking asshole, so maybe I do have a soulmate.

[NoLuckWanted @NoLuckWanted]

I guess I'm about to start my period, because I just got so angry with a plant I told it to fuck off.