No Penis Randy

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Even if I had a dick I still don't see the appeal in a vagina. If I'm putting it anywhere it's in other dudes mouths. #WishfulThinking

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Sometimes I leave used tissues and lotion lying around in hopes that I can trick my roommates into thinking I have a dick.

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

@iehunt3735 @JonnyFootbalI @ColbyLuethje Oh God! If I had a penis that'd be the first place I'd want to put it!

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

@JFREY_12 could literally take all that hair from his body and put it on his head to stop balding. Gosh he looks so good nude. #GhostBoner

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Walked in on @JFREY_12 while he was changing... I bet I would've gotten so hard if I could. All that hair gets me going.

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

I gave wet dream a whole new meaning last night. You don't even want to know. #NoDick

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

@ColbyLuethje That's why I would make John suck my dick! Duh!

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Top 5 things I would stick my dick in if I had one: 5. Pudding. 4. John Harbaugh's mouth. 3. A glory hole. 2. Justin Bieber. 1. Not a vagina

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Steve Nash winning a ring. #ThingsIWouldThinkAboutIfICouldMasterbate

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

I bet I use my dick more than @JFREY_12... Wait, I forgot, I don't have a penis. I still stand by my original statement. #realtalk

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

@RandyCaraveo is a fake account! Just to warn everybody. I don't even know why someone else would pretend to be me. I don't even have a dick

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Just because I don't have a penis doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I'm just like every other guy, except I can't get hard. #WannaScissor?

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

So me and @ColbyLuethje just compared our dicks. He's got me beat, but only by an inch. #IHaveNoDick

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

I love the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit addition as much as the next guy, I just can't do anything about it. #NoPenisProblems

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Big shout out to @ChrisBabbII. Happy Birthday! Hope it's a good one. #NumberOneFan

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Since my last tweet about 20 people have tried to kick me in the groin and I have no idea why!

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Forget Manti Te'o's girlfriend. The real mystery is whether I have balls or not. #hashtag

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Please disregard my last tweet. #IHaveNoDick

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Austin>Isaac #2K13

[No Penis Randy @NoPenisRandy]

Collin Kaepernick.#ThingsIWouldThinkAboutIfICouldMasterbate