Norm Macdonald Daily

I didn't even know he was sick.
Daily jokes from the old chunk of coal every day at 10 AM Pacific Time.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure... if you die, the cancer also dies at exactly the same time. So that to me is not a loss; that's a draw.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

10. Sure junkyard dogs are mean, but the meanest dogs are generally found guarding concentration camps.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

09. I remember back when the Harlem Shake was just a black fella holding me upside down off a fire escape trying to collect his money.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

08. Call me an old softie, but I’d prefer if you call me a distinguished gentleman with a flagging erection.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

Well this Lindsay Lohan can’t swim a stroke but she sure knows every dive in town.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

06. We could nip March Madness in the bud if we watch for the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

05. I can prove God exists, if I could just find that damn receipt from our brunch in Heaven.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

04. Some gold plated chains would make a nice retirement gift for a very, very good slave.

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

03. Why is there an app for everything *except* how to rape a baby?

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

02. Remember the old days when tweeting meant stabbing a hooker?

[Norm Macdonald Daily @NormJokesDaily]

01. We all know that the Swiss are officially neutral. Unofficially however, they’re filthy sons of bitches.