David Wayne

I say funny things into a microphone

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

How was your weekend 💅🏻

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Pop music is just R&B for yt people

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@kimberlycongdon 🙋🏻‍♂️

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@luisjgomez I’d relocate for a shot at it…but seriously Zac Amico rules and would be a great fit.

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@Milajoy And if your dad pulled out I wouldn’t have read this dumb ass tweet.

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@bennyjohnson @KidRock They’re called bots 🤖

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@jakepaul “If you don’t like Burger King then you can’t have McDonald’s.” God we make the dumbest people famous I swear

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@rawsalerts Yeah right

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@luisjgomez The “Blue Jay Oakerson” Tour

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

2016 trend huh? About a year into standup. I stunk so bad, but this was a good joke.

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@DerrickEvans4WV Yeah right

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Just started watching Homeland and I’ll be honest that’s a much better title than, “Claire Danes Constantly on the Verge of Crying”

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

We’ve been spelling DAWG wrong this whole time. It’s spelled, B-A-K-E-R

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Death is only the beginning…fuck

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@nicksortor Do they have black umbrellas?

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

@MikeAranaShow @_willcompton @MakeAWish @TaylorLewan77 Tried the corner and missed

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Old people starting to understand the Kendrick/Drake beef.

Do you think Elon will perform at halftime next year?

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Women be like, “It’s my birthday year you can’t tell me nothing 💅🏻”

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

The grossest part of the Shannon Sharpe text messages is that at least one of them has an android

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Ladies, I may not have a swimmer’s body, but best believe I’m better than Katie Ledecky at breath control 🍑🤿

[David Wayne @notDavidWayne]

Just made a chicken salad sandwich on toasted everything bagel for lunch; in case you were wondering how much I financially be ballin’ 💅🏻