Not Dick Bremer

I'm a top-notch broadcaster, I mix a stiff drink, I know how to please a woman, and I love Jesus. Relax, Twins lawyers, this account is a parody.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Waiting for my call from the Twins about the sudden Prez opening, in case they want to go the "legendary, lifetime baseball man" route.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Thanks to the Twins for naming me to their Hall of Fame – it’s a nice little stepping stone on my path to Cooperstown!

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

That Basecam on the postseason broadcasts is great - I've always wanted to see the game from the perspective of a worm.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Congrats to Mitch Garver on a great ALCS Game 6! After the World Series, Mitch and I will be back on our nightly prowls of the local watering holes. #Brovember

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Here's my vote of confidence for Rocco Baldelli to return as Twins manager next year. No one is better than him at carrying out the front office's wishes, and, he is a dynamic interview!

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Fans - that was a courageous, inspiring, deep postseason run by your Minnesota Twins. These playoff memories will warm our hearts through the long winter. A tip of my cups to the boys! And, go Vikings!

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Fun to See Kyle Gibson face Mitch Garver in last night's BAL-TX game. They were my old bird-dogging partners.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Looks to be a brisk afternoon at the ballpark today - good cape weather. I'll be at the Grey Duck Deck with about a hundred of my closest fans - stop by and say "hi" if you can get through the ham-fisted security guards.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

What a game last night! God bless Latin America.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Hoping all sharp-eared Twins fans will be on the lookout for banging garbage cans this weekend in Houston. I also don't trust Dusty Baker - pretty sure he is tipping pitches with his toothpick. #Cheatergate

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Fans - I'm going to "pod-cast" my call of Twins playoff games live so you can have your beloved regular season experience in October. Mute those lousy network announcers! Subscriptions start at $22/game! Check your local listings.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Fans, my right arm is so sore from waving my Hanky, I'm gonna be drinking with my left arm tonight. #WildCardChamps

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

ARod says the #Twins have “a great fan base”—no idea what’s influenced Mr. Rodriguez to say so, but he’s 100% correct!

Hope he also knows the Twins’ broadcast team is available to emcee events for the Timberwolves all year long!

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Such a shame that the networks don't utilize the home on-air crews for postseason telecasts. I've been with the team since February, but instead they bring in these fancy boys with their whitened teeth and their $75 haircuts.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Hoping the Twins take my advice and get motivational sparkplug Nick Punto to sit in their postseason dugout and inspire the boys. Had they done this sooner, the postseason loss streak would have ended in the low teens.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Best wishes to all TC Marathon runners! Be sure to stop by Target Field after the race for a taste of AL Central greatness!

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

As the regular season winds down, I'm praying the baseball writers will have the good sense to place Royce Lewis high on their MVP ballots. #GrandSlamKing

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

I may be biased, but this season's MLB award for incisive, biting, hard-charging baseball analysis has to go to Justin Morneau. He is almost too intellectual for modern audiences.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

Many casual fans don't grasp that the Twins' 18 straight postseason losses could be merely a random coincidence.

[Not Dick Bremer @NotDickBremer]

As the season ends, I have to wonder if your long-running Twins announcer will hear the call from Cooperstown this winter. I am honored even to mention it.