Not Dylan Moran

Why are you here? There is nothing to see. Go, live, and turn off your bloody electronic bleeper thing.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

There's being biased and then there's being right.

I may be biased but I am also right.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

The only hacking I tend to succumb to is due to years of chainsmoking.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

I had Stroganoff once. Am I in danger of Russian hacking?

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Russians in the floor! Russians in the bookshelf! Listening to you listlessly chewing your ham. Watching your elections, hungrily.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Hello I am writing some more of these. Prepare accordingly

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

@Mantrabus please accept my sincere apologies

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Oh him, yeah his odor is blinding but at least he's not doing crack off the kitchen table

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

If you want to like people more, just lower your standards.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Ugh, can't decide between wine and more wine.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Things are mostly irritating but occasionally some are delicious.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Let's be honest, whether or not he'd catch a grenade for you really just depends on if there is still a pin in it.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Brunettes are the world's best kept secret.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

The fact is, almost all of the great times in your life revolve around putting things in your mouth.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Market pistachios with oscar pistorius and the detroit pistons. "Its all in the pist"

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

The moral of this story is that cake is the kryptonite of humanity.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Then she stuffs a slice of cake she fortuitously made into the awning mouth of the furious matron whereupon all is forgiven

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Amelia Bedelia makes red velvet cake using Mrs Rogers antique velvet couch and gets cudgeled with a stair bannister

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

Yes I would like extra cheese, this is a boulangerie and I don't have time to play games.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

I tweet all the time but the thing is I replace words with silence.

[Not Dylan Moran @NotDylanMoran]

The first 14 months of winter are ok. Then you get a bit fucking edgy.