Not Lord Ashcroft

PARODY. SATIRE. Randomly generated false allegations. Any similarities to any real allegations are purely coincidental.

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Sajid Javid got a handjob from a spider monkey before breakfast

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Iain Duncan Smith teabagged a deer while coked up to the nines

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Michael Fallon gave a rimjob to a crocodile while eating a bacon sandwich

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Douglas Hurd sucked off a skunk while sipping a nice cup of Darjeeling

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Greg Clark sucked off a budgie to a warm round of applause

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

William Hague gave a reach-around to a barn owl while Jimmy Saville watched

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

John Major deep throated a shaved gorilla before breakfast

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Boris Johnson skull fucked a Yorkshire terrier in a gimp mask

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Patrick McLoughlin groped a zebra to impress Thatcher

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Greg Clark face fucked a husky while singing Hallelujah

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Ken Clarke fisted a weasel while off his tits on crack

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Oliver Letwin shoved a cucumber up a badger before breakfast

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Michael Fallon skull fucked a Yorkshire terrier while smacked off his arse on junk

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Oliver Letwin face fucked a snowy owl before punching a monkey

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Patrick McLoughlin face fucked a bald eagle while eating a bacon sandwich

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

William Hague fellated a husky with no shame

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

David Mundell buggered a badger while longing for the return of the Third Reich

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Douglas Hurd sucked off a goat and you can't even get a council house

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

George Osbourne gave a reach-around to a skunk before passing out

[Not Lord Ashcroft @NotLordAshcroft]

Stephen Crabb fisted a dead rat while dressed as a Teletubby