John Lee

My life is only as interesting as yours. #FollowedYouFirst

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

It's pronounced unn-suhha guys, stop calling it the en-ess-ay. Do you know how stupid you all sound? Don't make me #WikiLeaks your calls.

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Tor, huh yeah, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, route it again y'all. #crymore #onions

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Better hope my job doesn't get outsourced to India, or everyone of you hamburger eaters is getting put on a watch list. #eatgod #glutenfree

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Catholics will let you buy Indulgences, but I can wipe your records from the government's database. #Fundraising #Hookers #Drugs

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Best thing bout my job, is I know who all the narcs are, so I can buy the good stuff from the cool people who wont tell the five oh shit.

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah, Initial reports suggest they may be Russian sympathizers, and armed with a banjo.

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Twitter suspended my account for following too many people, but it's just my job. Tattled on twitter to my boss. I'm back baby. #higherpower

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

@AmberOnTV, please stop screaming so close to your phone.

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

They asked me to find who wrote The Book of Love so we could weaponize it. Truns out it's just a song. Still waiting for the movie.

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

I think we put too much fluoride in the water, young people today have lost the ability to enunciate their V's #Beliebers

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

The engineers hard coded 'Every Breath you Take' as elevator music when the building opened. #HowOriginal #Tryhards

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

I used to be addicted to #voyeur porn, but now it just reminds me of work. #buzzkill

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Made it look like I might be a spy. Now someone watches me and I don't have to turn in reports, they just use his. #Automation

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Just spent 4 months spying on a bot. The #Singularity is near.

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Yes, there are downsides to having a woman president. What if she has to try and open a jar of pickles in front of a foreign dignitary!?

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Had to spy on another NSA agent one month, had to watch all the people he was watching. Boring and a little gross. #HumanCentipede

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

Finally upgrading Windows 98, time to use that Vista everyone is talking about. #ThanksObama

[BBC Asia @BBCNewsAsia]

Two US men convicted of stealing trade secrets & selling them to Chinese state-owned company http://t.co/bNDjmWpFrl

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

@UberFacts where are you getting all of this information? #german #mole

[John Lee @NSA_agent_209]

@KeithOlbermann, your dick obsession has filled up three of my filing cabinets. @SubstitutePapi and you both use Viagra, #chillout