Fernando Ruiz

The Chevy Chase of comedy

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Sometimes I'm afraid people only like me for my personality

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

#NewProfilePic

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

“I didn’t rob you, I murdered you and looted your corpse”

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

In Spanish, it’s Nosefera-usted

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Fighting for my life in a dfw airport bathroom but the toilets are so tall that my feet are dangling

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Sent a friend the profile of a person I matched with on tinder and said they are physically just my type and his response was “I can’t tell if this is a joke or not”
🥶😬🥶

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Pretty xenophobic to refer to how another cultures consumes their food as “disgusting”

[New York Post @nypost]

Video reveals disgusting truth of what happens when a fly lands on your food: ‘Why did I watch this’ https://t.co/QZvXAlCYmB

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

I own a Rubics cube for the sole purpose of humbling myself

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

@ChloeCunha I will be formally ending my life tonight 6pm EST

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

hooked up with someone recently and followed it up by jokingly apologizing for not being over 6ft and this is how she responded.

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

unprompted my boss just told me that my receding hairline is a sign I need to get married

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Just came into 7,500 dollars!!!!!

(Credit limit just got raised)

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

How they win every case in Suits

“damn we are SCREWED”

“I know but your lunch just came”

“Wait what was that about a lunch”

“your food is here”

“Haley Johnson was eating lunch from across the bagel shop. how was she there if she was also embezzling”

“I think we just won”

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Got too drunk last night and started sharing Andrew Cuomo’s podcast on LinkedIn

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

@djd666 Some of the best on the planet that is

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

When are we gonna finally admit that grocery store sushi is kinda fire?

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

Really thought I stumbled onto a banger

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

@Rathbaume @DisbussingFilm There will be blood came out in 2007 so isnt even eligible for the Oscar next year so Vinny D still has a chance

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

thinking about if I die young how you should lay me down in a bed of roses

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

I don’t have an issue with spelling/grammar I just type with an accent and you correcting me is actually xenophobic 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶

[Fernando Ruiz @OakCliffDaddy]

what the FUCK?!?!?!