Odeon of Death

Films You Wish Existed. Very occasional hobby by writer & @scalacinema co-director @AliCatterall

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

28 Kids Later (2020)

A plague of bullshit has swept through the UK, and the "Super-Spreader" is thought to be a recent father. Meanwhile, the PM reassures he'll repopulate Britain single-handedly. "Which is ironic as I'm more generally regarded as an enthusiastic self-isolater."

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

The Body Politic (1998)

It begins with a casual conversation about pro-life. But within days, former Hollywood liberal James Woods begins to transform into a gigantic anus. Girlfriend Geena Davis looks on helplessly, in David Cronenberg's classic horror.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

With the news that Paddington 3 is apparently influenced by Aguirre Wrath of God, one from the archives.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Werner Herzog's Dumbo (2002)

"When one gazes upon the ears of this pathetic creature one grasps how unforgiving and even terrible mother nature is to withhold from the wretched pachyderm the knowledge that its appalling disfigurement is simultaneously the key to its salvation."

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Liam Gallagher's Toe-Sucking Party (2019)

Feature-length music promo for new album 'Me Birdbox', in which the editors of Q, Mojo, NME and Uncut queue up to pamper and nibble the former Oasis frontman's toes, while he distractedly taps their backs with a silver-topped cane.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Our Kid: The Real Oasis Story (2021)

Through never before seen footage, Peter Jackson's new documentary explores the truth behind Noel and Liam Gallagher's relationship; that of undying love, harmony and mutual respect. "I'd even let him win at Connect Four," says Noel.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Conan the Psychogeographer (1983)

Conan embarks on an arduous journey into the kingdom of Aquilonia to map its liminal spaces and explore his own role in relation to the Ballardian cityscape, in a new six-part series for Radio 4.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Tarzan Pulls It Off (1935)

When Jane pops out to do some shopping with Cheetah, Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller) seizes the opportunity for a quiet wank. But he soon discovers there's nowhere to hide in the jungle.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

My Dinner With Peter Andre (1995)

Playwright Wallace Shawn joins the singer-songwriter for dinner and negligible philosophy, in Louis Malle's arthouse smash. Awkward silences ensue, before Andre saves the day with an impromptu rendition of Mysterious Girl on the spoons.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Ken Loach's "Jez" (2017)

A troubled little boy from Yorkshire forms an unshakeable bond with a gnarly old bird of prey.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

The Oh, Man (1976)

A demonic little boy grows up to destroy the United Kingdom, in this classic Brit horror.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Being There (But Not Involved) (2015)

After simpleminded Chauncey Gardiner is plucked from his allotment and placed near the seat of power, he briefly enthralls members with vague homilies half-remembered from an old copy of Marxism for Beginners. That he never finished reading.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

The Citrus Chainsaw Massacre VI: Tangerineface (2016)

Tracing the early years of Tangerineface and his brother-and-sister parents Pip and Pippa, pictured here wearing their masks of stitched-together orange peel. ("It squeezed the juice out of me" - Alan Jones, FrightFest)

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Children of the Quorn XIII: The Farrago (2019)

A mysterious newcomer called "The Frog" tells young cult leader Pfeffel that in order to save the commune they must first burn it to the ground.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Un Homme Une Femme Un Café Une Cigarette (1963)

Jean-Paul Belmondo and Anna Karina smoke at one another in a Parisian café while filling ashtray after ashtray with lustily sucked Gitanes until they're both engulfed in an immense grey cloud that completely obscures the screen.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Happy #SummerSolstice!

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Carry On in Midsommar (1969)

Hilarious hijinks ensue when the Carry On crew go on holiday to a Swedish pagan commune. While Sid gets his leg over with some naughty Nordics, Kenneth Williams gets his face sawn off, and Jim Dale is burned alive in a hollowed-out Bernard Bresslaw.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Raise the Alarm (2005)

For many years, crusty skipper
Dafydd Jones (Anthony Hopkins) has told of a long-lost Welsh new wave band, said to lie at the bottom of the Bristol Channel. Can shadowy American investors help dredge them from the sea bed? A post-punk nautical adventure.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

When Harry Met Sarlacc (1989)

Men and Sarlaccs can never be platonic friends, thinks Harry (Billy Crystal), as sex gets in the way. Sarlacc disagrees. But how long can the Tatooine pit beast deny its feelings? And will Harry ever allow himself to be digested over 1000 years?

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Tears in Rain (1987)

In 2017 AD, eco warrior Helena Bonham Carter teams up with Robbie Coltrane's wisecracking seahorse, in a drowned UK. Standard British dystopian sci-fi, which means everybody inexplicably dresses in 1920s fashions and acts like they've got a mild head injury.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Hemlock Road (1970)

The Rolling Stones and friends compare venereal diseases and try on a range of fancy Afghan hats, in this rockumentary shot entirely in a bath in East Acton. The film's release was delayed by two years after Anita Pallenberg accidentally threw her ribcage up.

[Odeon of Death @OdeonOfDeath]

Werner Herzog's The Snowman (1982)

"We are not walking in the air but plunging towards terra firma like a parachutist who took the instructor's wife as a mistress. Little boy, here is your lesson in entropy: love gives life. But time destroys all. Your only friend is a puddle."