Om

Professional asshole, PhD.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

I was born at a young age.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

@lolavarice And?

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Not only are boomerangs Australia's biggest export, they're also their biggest import.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Breaking News: Police called to a daycare where a 4 year old was resisting a rest.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

People say I change the subject too much but I prefer crunchy peanut butter.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Shout out to my grandma since that's the only way she can hear me.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

My kid's balloon elephant couldn't fit in the backseat next to him so I had to pop the trunk.

Now there's enough space to fit the whole elephant in the backseat.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

I always find the last step in making pickles to be jarring.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Proof

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

I threw a ball for my dog last night, which was a bit extravagant, but damn does he look good in a tuxedo.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

None of the Spider-Man movies have been able to explain how a 17 year old dude is so good at sewing. That shit is NOT natural, he's been practicing.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Just found out I can't have kids...

According to Child Protective Services.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

My wife says I'm obsessed with alliteration, she says some seriously stupid shit sometimes.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Everyone's heard of Pop Tarts, but no one's heard of Mum Tarts. Why?

The Pastryarchy.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Most doctors have a practice, but not me. I have a perfect.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

My therapist told me I have trouble identifying my emotions and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

My brain has a mind of its own.

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Crazy disrespectful how even after 50 years, some people still don't know who Neil Armstrong is or what kind of trumpet he played,

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

Yo why is it called North America if America is in the middle of it?

[Om @OhmWithoutTheH]

My boss is so cheap, he doesn't even care about having quality emergency equipment at the workplace. Last week, no one was shocked when the defibrillator didn't work.