OneManBandito

Who says you can't do it all.

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

Denver's Int'l airport is so far out…It's actually closer to the city that I flew from than it is to downtown Denver. My cab fare was higher than my airfare. Wtf. #DENairport

[Ted Neeley @TedNeeley]

Ladies & Gentlemen... Carl Anderson!!! #JesusChristSuperstar #Judas

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

C'mon, @DiGiorno - this is your winner.

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

@WokeHamiltonBro @Exel_entei @bencjenkins @thetomska Hahaha oh no. Oh wow I hated that.

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

@MrGeorgeWallace Or an Ocean of Tears, perhaps?

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

@MrGeorgeWallace So THAT’s why I only have one diabete.

[Todric A.😎 Rickertado @Hairbrainiac]

It's so weird how the government is incompetent and the courts are crooked
but once a person is in jail they are absolutely a criminal beyond the shadow of a doubt.

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

always shocks me when people say the gifted program set them up to fail like that’s some big surprise. everybody else was learning to read, and they pointed to you and said “not this one. this one will learn riddles.” of course your brain is broken

[Emo Kylo Ren @KyloR3n]

disney can take my memories i dont want them

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

@peterframpton: Stop playing guitar and please only do everything else, now.

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

@EggSlutLA @TheBurgerShow @HJBenjamin Idea for the "Fly Me to the Moon" burger: What if you added a plantain fried in dill-infused oil (or fried and topped with fresh dill)? In a pinch, a banana would also work (still crescent-shaped). And heck, why not: horseradish Gouda spread?

[Nihilist Arby's @nihilist_arbys]

Life hack: die

[Emo Kylo Ren @KyloR3n]

dear diary
today an admiral named ackbar came to school to warn us about drugs
you will never guess what he said about them

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

#DoIReallyHaveToChoose between not being religious, but spiritual, and knowing ISIS better than the generals do? @fugularity @JeffHowden

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

#DoIReallyHaveToChoose between good management and a bad businessman? #ryandkbrady

[OneManBandito @OneManBandito]

#DoIReallyHaveToChoose between Jeb being a waste or a big fat mistake? @jessbradley777