John Q. Public

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

All
Day
I
Dream
About
Subpoenas

#adidas #pitinoFTL https://t.co/k2ATiEYFDo

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

Rick Pitino received 98 percent of Louisville’s current adidas contract, per @courierjournal https://t.co/GlAMYZY53D

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

"For the love of God, can we please stop talking about Brady's balls!?!"

Signed, Everyone

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

If you listen closely you can almost hear Michael Jordan laughing.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

I guess I just assumed that being the star athlete at Florida State, he would already have crabs. #JameisWinston

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

The Winter Olympics: Making Norway relevant every four years.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

So when you throw Gatorade on the Florida State Coach is that called Seminole fluid?

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Satan picked one hell of a time to cash in on Nick Saban's deal.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Is it safe to say that Johnny Manziel won't be signing autographs after the game? #toosoon #BAMAvsTAMU

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Hey dude smoking a cigarette while filling his truck with gas -I'm not calling you stupid, I'm calling the DMV stupid for giving u a license

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

It's astounding they call it "news" when it's always the same old story.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Is it ironic to anyone else how many tweets with the #NoH8 hashtag actually spew hateful, vile things? #growup

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

There are two types of people in America: those who pay money to see "Fast & Furious 6" and those who should be allowed to vote.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Whenever I am sad I like to picture retirement homes in forty years, filled with faded, sagging tattoos of skulls and barbed wire.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Whenever I feel like a bad parent I take a little trip to Walmart and within five minutes feel like I deserve a parenting award.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Guys, if she really wants the "bad boy", let her have the loser.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Ladies, if he's too stupid to treat you with respect, dump his a$&.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

"What am I getting blamed for now?"

- overheard at the home of former Pres. George W. Bush

#Benghazi #IRS #AP

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Hey White House, Nixon resigned over less than y'all got going right now.

#Benghazi #IRS #AP

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

Hey angry Happy Hour person complaining about the opposite sex, the reason you're "unlucky" dating is because you need to be in counseling.

[John Q. Public @Onpointless]

A generation ago, Thursday night wisdom came from Dr. Huxtable & Mr. Keaton. This generation is taught by Mr Schuester and Coach Sylvester.