Oscar the Ferg

Boo.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Why isn't Harper Lee's new prequel novel entitled One Kill A Mockingbird?

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Daylight savings is awesome because it means the clock in my car is finally correct.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Home Alone #TheTitleOfMySexTape

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Pinky and The Brain #TheTitleOfMySexTape

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Shark is maybe my third favorite fish-week #TrueConfessions

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Mr Holland's Porpoise #SuspiciousSeaMammalMovies

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

You know what they say, when god closes a door he checks it for lambs blood and then kills your first born.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Another White House visit planned for trusted Cold War ally Osama Bin Laden #IfThe80sNeverStopped @midnight

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

YKK is way too close to KKK to be on all these zippers. "\"

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

@eddiepepitone FUCK YES! Keep going! If you do just a sentence a day you'll have an entire chapter by 2043.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

i keep my friends close, and my enemies closer. because i fart alot.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Luck is when preparation meets opportunity and you have a really rich parent.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

If twitter was a barista, it would be the one that thinks it's hilarious to say "thanks a latte" every. single. day.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

@eddiepepitone Powering through episodes of Raymond on netflix. 8 cups of water.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

The Monopoly Defeat of Jesse James by The Coward Robert Ford #lessinterestingfilms

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

I wonder if women are aware that only they know what split ends are.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Just occurred to me: the only reason girls act interested in the Super Bowl is because they know Valentines Day is right around the corner.

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Why isn't Harper Lee's new prequel novel entitled One Kill A Mockingbird?

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

"My son got in trouble for shoving 2 boys bullying a girl.
Is ice cream a punishment?"

U mean for lying to you about why he got in trouble?

[Oscar the Ferg @OscarsFerguson]

Binding Nemo #MakeAMovieConstipated