for the first time in his life, tanrak is standing in a place where he does not know who he is anymore. because once tanrak fully reaches that place and collides with it, the only thing left to do is tell the truth. to himself most of all
immediately after touching himself, tanrak washes his hands. it’s in fact a mundane action. symbolically, however, it’s an attempt at purification. he cannot wash away what happened, nor can he wash away the feelings that led him there, but he tries anyway
tanrak, however, tries to hold together two conflicting truths. he wants to remain the believer while denying the reality that he is becoming the lover. all of that becomes impossible. and in that exact moment, he begins to understand the lost one