TomsBum

A diary of my travels around the world whilst attached to the human known as Tom.

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

@beachbummovie A film about a bum with @McConaughey, @ZacEfron and @SnoopDogg but not an actual bum anywhere to be seen. Surely one of the biggest casting mistakes of the modern age?? #injustice #wherewasmycall #howaboutapartinthesequel

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Geriatric Maguire #OldTitles

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Have started an exercise routine today to get in shape. For those not in the know, when you are just a bum exercise mostly involves clenching. Repeatedly. 1, 2, 3 clench! 1, 2, 3 clench! Can feel the #gainz already 💪 #lifegoals #backsidebulking

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

@aussieBum Need any bum models?? Recently had some tats done to cover what was an otherwise pasty English backside so now feeling fresh, confident and ready to model some budgie smugglers! #manpants #canyoutellwhatitisyet

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Today's visit for the #travellingbum: Wairere Falls, NZ #Stunning #NewZealand #bumdownunder

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Being Tom's bum, a #haiku;

I always face away from,
The direction in which Tom is going,
Because I am his bum.

#haikuchallenge #poetry #TomsBum

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Feel I have a lot in common with Piers Morgan. He's a great supporter of the #Arse and, much like me, he is also full of crap. @piersmorgan let's be friends? #FriendshipGoals #MakeAFriendThursday

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Tom tried his hand at horse riding today. Great for him, less so for me. If you have ever found yourself being repeatedly punched in the face by 1000lbs of solid muscle galloping along at 30mph you will understand why. #Horses #nope #batteredandbruised

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Starting a support group for bums that have been tattooed. So far it's only me and @CherylOfficial's bum, but all others are welcome. Meetings on Wednesdays in Pratt's Bottom town hall. #tattoolife #sharingiscaring

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

The problem with being a bum with a Twitter account is how to get my intelligence, wit and wisdom to come across in a 280 character tweet without ending up with a series of poorly thought out butt jokes. I'm still working on it. #WisdomWednesday #buttlife

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

It's often been said I have an inner beauty.

I have a video from my colonoscopy to prove it.

#badjokes #tomsbum

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Wanted to meet other travelling bums whilst in Australia and asked about where I might do this. At the suggestion of a cheery fellow I tried Grindr. I think he may have misread my intentions. 😲 #mandownunder #nope

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Going to write a book. Premise is it's a sequel to the classic English nursery rhyme, Tom Thumb. Working title is Tom's Bum: Baby got back. #novels #literature #Babygotback

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

First it started with just his name, then the f*cker went and paid someone to tattoo all over me! Why turn me into the most famous bum in the art world has seen since Michaelangelo's David if you wear trousers?? Just another day in the life of #tomsbum

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

@JJayne01 Glad you like it, I was worried it would hit a bum note.

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Here's a picture of me sitting on a road in Australia. You can't see my face as it's pressed against the road but I promise it's me.

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Cinemas aim to put bums on seats. Therefore the rest of the human body is superfluous when going to the cinema. I wish this was more well observed as it tends to be the rest of the human body that will insist on talking or looking a phone whilst I'm trying to watch a film.

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

My owner recently got my face decorated with some art. I hate it. I secretly fart on it when he is asleep. #thescenteddissenter

[TomsBum @PaintedButtocks]

Currently in Australia. Absolutely my favourite country. Much like a bum, it is referred to as "down under".