Daniel Murphy

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, walking through the streets of Soho in the rain

[Siraj Hashmi @SirajAHashmi]

Break the two-party system and donate to Don Lemon’s presidential campaign by going to Lemonparty dot com

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

"They have no entertainment, they have no food, they have soccer and beans, that’s all they have… The weather is terrible, the food is terrible, the culture is terrible, the women are ugly, the men are uglier"

- Mark Titus on England losing and having nothing to fall back on

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

In preparation for tomorrow’s hockey matchup between America 🇺🇸 and Canada 🇦🇺, here are some FACTS that the Canadians hate:

1. America is the oldest and greatest country on earth

2. Canada is a British province that must do what the queen says

3. The greatest hockey player who ever lived was American

4. Canada is poor, poorer than our South American neighbors in Mexico. The average Canadian makes less than $10,000 per year and doesn’t have the internet

5. Justin Turdeaux must do what Donald Trump says because they don’t have sovereignty

6. Vermont has superior maple syrup to anything in Canada

7. No Canadian has ever had a #1 song or album in the US

8. Canadians are the most obese and unattractive Western country

9. Quebec residents must speak English FIRST because America is the birth place of the English language

10. Canadians have an average IQ than is 20 points below the average US IQ

[SNY Giants @SNYGiants]

Jameis Winston was asked what his favorite Thanksgiving dish is:

"My wife, man, she makes some kale collard greens. Her family’s from New Orleans so she makes a nice Creole dressing. It’s unbelievable. One of her cousins, her auntie, she always ships us some gumbo for us to start off the day with some gumbo. So, man, it’s a beautiful thing.

Taysom Hill put me on this turkey. I’m typically a ham person, but Taysom Hill put me on this Uncle Ray’s turkey. They ship this turkey right to your door, you pop that thing in the oven and I’m talking about, it is succulent. That thing is juicy, it’s spicy, oh my gosh, it’s amazing."

[Kazeem Famuyide 🇳🇬 🍎 @Kazeem]

THATS WHY YOU PLAY JAZZ DUMB DUMB.

[Curtis Wenis @CurtisWenis]

would hate to be a winged creature flying into this room

[Charles Curran @charliebcurran]

Every Chicago group chat i'm in has asked for a video of the pope walking out to love sosa

feels important

[Joel Beall @JoelMBeall]

On Rory McIlroy, finally Masters champion, now and forever https://t.co/VdEOLiogQk

[HARD FACTOR @HardFactorNews]

Ban Ozempic

[Lightning Review @ReviewLightning]

STOP TWERKING, VICTOR

[Daniel Murphy @papaSMURPH27]

@assliken @KFCBarstool #ruthkanda

[Cabot Phillips @cabot_phillips]

I know everyone’s focused on Trump, but it should probably be a bigger deal that four high-ranking officials testified under oath that our government has “non-human” technology in it’s possession…

[Eric Hubbs @BarstoolHubbs]

I will watch this clip on repeat for the rest of my life

[Desus MF Nice💯 @desusnice]

was about to text my dad about this win but I forgot about the whole he’s dead thing 😢

[Josh Wolf @joshwolfcomedy]

A Song About Man Boobs

[NICK PAUL’S HYPEMAN @NPaul_20]

I WANT YOU TO PUT THE WORD OUT THAT NO OTHER PLAYER AROUND THE NHL IS MORE VALUABLE TO THEIR TEAM THAN NIKITA KUCHEROV IS TO THE TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING

[Doug Rush @TheDougRush]

Matthew Stafford was the closest in 2021 with 1,188.

Tom Brady, considered the GOAT, is 5th with 1,137 in 2016.

Joe Burrow is next, also in 2021, is 7th with 1,105.

Patrick Mahomes, also in 2021, is 11th with 1,057.

Peyton Manning, his own brother who many always compared his career with, is 12th in 2006 with 1,034.

And yet, 12 years since the 2011 playoffs, with a QB and pass driven league, Eli Manning still holds the record with 1,219.

And this is why, once again, you can not tell the story of the NFL without @EliManning.