Parental Misguidance

Do you have all the answers for parenting? Neither do we. Join parents who fail big and often to share your favorite parenting tweet of the week on Sun 11-6 EST

[Parental Misguidance @parentalmis]

No call this week, see you next time!

[Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3]

My husband: we really need to cut back our spending

My dog: absolutely, right after an emergency visit to the vet

[(This part is superfluous) @MommyWhoPosts]

If you come back from the pumpkin patch disillusioned and full of rage, you’ve done it right.

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

What normal people ask a pregnant person: Are you excited? What are you having?

What I ask a pregnant person: Have you had the butt hole spasms yet?

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

At this point in my pregnancy showering is a full body workout

[(This part is superfluous) @MommyWhoPosts]

Hosted my first two playdates this week and both ended in head injuries to a child, so yeah I guess you could say I’m a pro.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

Today I had to pick up my 3yo from school because he was "sick". Considering he yeeted my office, then ran around screaming and laughing, Ima call bullshit.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

The sun smells like mint and rainbows.

-my 4yo, the authority on everything.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

Me: Why are you being so annoying today?

4yo: Because I love you.

Me: Love me less.

4yo: No!

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

To the moms using their spit to clean their kid’s faces and style their kid’s hair in the school drop off line I see you. I am you.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

Me: *muttering to the car in front of me* Move bitch!

My 3yo: Mommy why you say bitch?

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

If you LOVE cleaning toilet seats have sons like a lot of them

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

4yo: I knowed that already.

7yo: It's KNEW that. Obviously you didn't know it since you can't speak properly!

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

I would like to take a moment the thank my 4yo for telling me he loved me and then hated in all in the same sentence. For a moment I was afraid it would be an easy day.

[(This part is superfluous) @MommyWhoPosts]

[bedtime]

No one:

3: [digging in my arm] Mommy, I think there’s something in your bones I have to fix. Like an elephant or an orange or a cow or a star or ice cream or the moon or a cookie…

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

4yo: I will make you feel better.

Me: Thank you baby.

4yo: I'm gonna be Mr. Nice Guy for 5 minutes. That should help.

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

Me: Eat your dinner.

6: But my belly hurts.

Me: Okay then you can go lay down but no treats or snacks later.

6: But I’ll feel better then.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

Following my 4yo's harrowing escape from death via nosebleed, he barely survived going to school today because his shorts touched his booboo. Please pray for him during this difficult time.

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

I’m just a pregnant girl standing in front of a clothing store ask it to sell me a maternity shirt that doesn’t say Blessed Mama on it.

[3 Wild Rainbows @wildrainbow2]

I can't go to school I will bleed to death!

-my 4yo with a nose bleed.

[(This part is superfluous) @MommyWhoPosts]

*struggling to get her head through the arm hole of her pajamas*

3: Mommy, is this the head??