Peter Calloway

Writer. One of the monkeys that didn’t type out the complete works of Shakespeare.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

I think the important thing to remember is all the good twitter has done. I’ll start:

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

@TylerDinucci Depends on the orientation of the map, but traditionally… yes.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but today I read an article about an explorer that said a crisis is an adventure you haven’t accepted. I like that.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

What? No honey, it definitely wasn’t me. The kids must’ve eaten them. No really. I have no idea what happened to all the fruit leathers.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

So let me see if I understand.

Modern fashion is simultaneously short tight shorts but also baggy pants?

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

It just occurred to me: Biden HAD to wait to forgive student loan debt until after Manchin had agreed to the IRA, didn’t he?

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

There aren’t many hills I’d die on but

GOLF IS NOT A SPORT

Is one of them.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

Normalize wearing a robe out in public.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

What do you call a bunch of words that are good at their job?

Prose.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

I enjoy doing online tests to see if I’m a narcissist because the questions are all about me

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

As this is a definitive, scientifically accurate poll, I will be letting my wife know I won and that she owes me a coke.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

Hey internet, please settle a debate between my wife and me. What does this text mean?

“The kids are having dinner with [family friend] wanna order dinner for us?”

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

Hey internet, please settle a debate between my wife and me. What does this text mean?

“The kids are having dinner with [family friend] wanna order dinner for us?”

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

But no, honestly, how did writers write before the internet?

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

How do guys like Josh Hawley or Kevin McCarthy not understand? There is no loyalty. They are the next Pence. The next target. History is LITTERED with the bodies of the people that worked to install authoritarian states.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

To the people who go up to speak and public and lead with: "I guess I should've prepared something huh" that's just... *chef's kiss*

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

Do you all think it's overkill to postmates a single bag of M&M's to my office? No answers only.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

Please no one tell my wife there is simply no way the neon orange powdered cheese in Annie’s mac and cheese is organic.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

A goth baking shop called Skull and Scones.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

I don’t want to be mad at RBG. But I’m also mad at RBG.

[Peter Calloway @PeteCalloway]

We’ve been watching Daniel Tiger make banana swirl for years. Today I actually made it and it’s fucking delicious. 10/10 would recommend