Peter Edward

Not nearly as funny or talented as I, or anyone else thinks I am. God only knows why I have any followers.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@TSB had an alert to say that my card has been used abroad. Urgent enough to wake me up, but not urgent enough for your fraud lines to be open. So now I have to wait until you guys wake up while someone’s using my card..?

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

Boom.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@Hermesparcels collected parcel from my house 10 days ago; tracking is a joke. I call your number; computer tells me to get in touch with Packlink for more details. PL didn't pick up the parcel, and PL didn't give me a tracking number, you did. And don't tell me to DM you:

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@LordOfSwede @GrainAndHearth Excellent combo! Just need a bit of chorizo in there for King O' Lunches status 😉

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

I’ve uncovered a huge conspiracy.
The toilet paper shortage isn’t due to inconsiderate arseholes stockpiling.
It’s a government plot to make sure we all wash our hands properly.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

This.

[Danny Baker @prodnose]

This government's advice about avoiding pubs and clubs and theatres without ever saying they actually will be closed is one of the most despicable cynical things I have known in all my life. It's because many of their old Tory Uni chums run insurance companies now. Venal. Sick.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@LeahFranchetti Good grief.

[Toni Scott @ToniScottSays]

@MarkDiStef @MarinaHyde Philanthropreneur (n): one whose venal greed and financial incontinence is lightly veneered with an expression of charitable intent.

[Mark Di Stefano @MarkDiStef]

When Prince Andrew was sitting for car-crash interview about Epstein, Fergie was at the charity summit for Saudi crown prince Mohammed Bin Salman.

“Everyone has been so nice here in Riyadh; I think that comes from good leadership,” Fergie to Arab News.

https://t.co/9rWuo5S2XX

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

Holy crap.

[Massimo @Rainmaker1973]

Climb aboard Blue Angel 4 in the "slot" position. Situated at the back corner of the Angels' signature diamond formation, you'll see the F/A-18 Hornets flying inches from each other as they execute breathtaking maneuvers https://t.co/IxLrbKfaLV

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Willo. She likes to awoo while she eats. Tonight’s meal was worthy of a gentler, but perhaps more meaningful, second awoo. 13/10

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@SW_Help how can one ill passenger cause this much chaos? I don’t buy it.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

@hairybikeraych @ITV4 Yep, just watching the recording myself, can’t make out anything the guy’s saying. Terrible editing also, hardly worth watching.

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

I asked @alexa99 to play what she wanted to play.
She played Joy Division: Love Will Tear Us Apart
#youokhon?

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

“PM Theresa May has said there is no guarantee she will abide by their wish.”

By my reckoning she lost 48% / 52%.

She should just get over it. https://t.co/UdTsbiDlj5

[suppelsa☝️ @suppe1sa]

Best Ever CEO of Apple with Best Ever President 🍏🍊#TimApple

[Peter Edward @Petee68]

For posterity

[Julian Ryder @MotoGPJules]

Just a reminder folks