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I was in an 8-year relationship.
I proposed and the wedding was paid for.
Then I decided to stop having sex.
One month later our relationship ended.
Here's 17 lessons I learned that could save you from wasting years of your life with the wrong person:
1. Stop having sex.
Sex before marriage blinds you from what’s important in marriage.
2. Relationships are not 50/50.
They’re 100/100 in different roles.
3. Your job is not just to please her.
Good leaders can set boundaries for the good of the relationship.
4. Being attractive matters.
Get in shape. Physical attraction motivates men and women to serve one another.
5. You shouldn’t need a woman.
Learn to love yourself first. If you need a woman to make you happy, you won’t be able to keep her happy.
6. Never sweep anything under the rug.
Resentment grows in the dark. Calmly make your feelings known when you’re upset.
7. You’re not “basically married” just because you’ve been dating for a long time.
Marriage-level benefits only come with marriage-level commitment. If you’re not married yet after years, find out what you're afraid of.
8. You attract what you are.
If you’re unhappy with your partner, look in the mirror.
9. Do not live together.
Living together creates marriage-level problems without marriage-level commitment.
10. Stop trying to save her.
Man cannot do a job reserved for God.
11. Stop trying to change her.
Trying to change a woman tells her, “You’re not good enough.” - this tortures her to no end.
12. Talk about money.
Sex and money are the most common reasons for divorce. Make your financial needs, desires, and goals known to avoid conflict.
13. Your woman should add to your life.
Mutually beneficial relationships are the only ones that last.
13. You’re not supposed to agree on everything.
Challenge each other to grow. If not, how are you serving each other?
14. Women can’t have male friends.
Men only maintain friendships with women they want to sleep with. Any man who denies this is lying. Any man who’s connected to her should be connected THROUGH YOU.
15. Don’t expect her to follow you if you can’t even lead yourself.
Every time she sees you break promises to yourself, she’ll conclude that you can’t keep promises to her. Be disciplined, consistent and follow through on your word.
16. Even when it’s not your fault, it’s always your responsibility.
Ownership creates power. Even if you didn’t do it, ask “What can I do to improve it?”.
17. If it doesn't work out, it’s because God has something better.
God’s plans are better than ours. You must believe this first, then you will see it.
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I share these lessons now for two reasons:
1. I decided to learn these lessons the hard way. But, you don't have to.
2. I'm viciously applying these lessons to my current relationship and experiencing blessings beyond what I could ask for or imagine. You're worthy of this too.
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P.S. Homage to @TheeJoelLopez, my main mentor in this area, who taught me these lessons, even before I realized them for myself.
Don't allow the negativity of the world to depress you. Don’t allow anyone to tell you there’s no hope. Don't let your burdens drown you. Start focussing on the blessings in your life, no matter how small you think they are.