Phil Gerigscott

Cartoonist, musician & goof. None might say, gooftoonian.
Instagram @philgerigscott

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Shout-out to all you self-aware people out there. I won't name names, y'all know who you are.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I’m sorry but you can’t release a car in late 2022 and call it your 2023 model. It’s a 2022 model and you just didn’t get your shit together early enough to release it at the start of the year.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I have no problem ordering orange juice on a flight, but when I consider apple juice I'm overcome with embarrassment and terrified the entire plane will erupt with laughter.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I made some music. Here it is.
https://t.co/quPxRyStMV

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

We'd hit enter and be like "hell yeah."

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Remember when our facebook statuses used to be shit like "Phil is your body is a wonderland"

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

It just digs in its heels and curls in on itself like a big fuck you.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Trying to sweep a spinach leaf is infuriating.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Thanks My Nguyen over at @divideanconqer for the kewl review of my new album (Blue Haze by Phillinois)! https://t.co/7Qsey7ue3C

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Has anyone ever yelled STOP THE PRESSES while someone is benching a shitload at crunch fitness or am I gonna have to get a membership?

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I've lived in Portland for five years and just realized, I don't think I've seen a middle schooler this whole time.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

At the J&J clinic:
Me: "When's my next dose?"
Doctor: "You only get one shot"

*Brief pause* we make eye contact and smile.

We both start jumping up and down: "DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TO BLOW"

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I'm gonna be completely honest right now. I've got a poison oak rash on my bunghole and aggressive farts are the only thing that truly soothes the itch.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Car was towed last week. Boo! But then again, would you rather have your car towed or your toe car'ed? #blessedAF

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I don't think there's anything else in the world that shares the same color with what comes out of the Selsun Blue bottle.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Hey @freddie_mercury, where can I find the rock you sock you pick you up and drop you version? Was that a B-side or what?

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

I just consider resetting my password part of the login process.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Kids these days will never understand the catharsis of slamming a telephone, burning a love letter, or flushing a peck of compasses down the toilet.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Hey @guyraz wanna double your listeners? Start hosting How I Broke This: once-successful people who royally fucked up. Thank me later.

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Panicked and just wrote "Who let in all these frogs?"

[Phil Gerigscott @PhilGerigscott]

Filling out the move-in inspection for our new rental and trying to figure out which wall I'm most likely to accidentally bash in at some point.