Ernest

Death is temporary. I'm living proof.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

The more people you get intimate with the less people you're allowed to talk to.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

The drinking helps until it doesn’t.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

A moment is only about as long as a horrified gasp.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

You don't need to stuff ballots when you can manipulate minds.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

Young bastards are future old bastards.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

My mother brought home a dog for me when I was young to help my depression. When my depression started to break, she gave the dog away.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

And who's to say what penis you'll be stuck with in the next life.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

I know I have the ability to lead a peaceful life, but I just have too many living relatives.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

I was twenty four and she was twenty three and I already could not handle the sounds she made when she ate. It would not last the summer.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

He was a marriage therapist who moonlighted as a divorce mediator. He was the first and last resort.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it obviously couldn't find anything better to do.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

I liken my life to having a belly full of corn flakes. I'm feeling full but there is no real nutritional value to any of it.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

When the children couldn't sleep we gave them warm milk, and when the children wouldn't sleep we gave them boiling milk.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

It is only cheating if she wears make up.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

It is not a bad drug if the drug makes you dance.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

It was Sunday, and when I became good and drunk I made love, and when the love-making sobered me up I began to drink again.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

Children need to know what it is to be a loser. They need to learn to lose and be broken in by failure.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

You have the right to say what you would like. You do not, however, have the right to be heard.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

When choosing between two women you have wronged, pick the one that doesn't want you back. She is the stronger one.

[Ernest @Phlegmingway]

You're not allowed to die until I have finished speaking.