Phyllis

I keep fart spray strapped on me

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

I swear to drunk I’m not god

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

TGIF clogged the jobsite potty!!!!

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

Burrito truck was closed so boss man didn’t get his breaky….he said he’s gonna kill himself

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

My super told me to get my roots touched up before I ask him another question

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

This other intern said I remind him of all his frat friends just without a penis

[✦ eve ✦ @impossiblyeve]

jerking off in the morning because the early bird plays with its worm or however the saying goes

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

Told my super that I’m playing wack a mole in my pants and he looked at me, paused and proceeded to say he’s never met anyone like me

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

���You have serious attitude problem” so fuck it outta me or deal with it idk

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

@biggfudge145 relaxing my throat thinking about you

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

@biggfudge145 Just got rid of the bush, threw on my red lace g string, gonna crush a few beers with the home town fags, and then boink till the sun comes up

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

Today’s after work activity includes eating Cheeto puffs naked on my floor

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

@biggfudge145 Feel that Fil

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

They gave the wrong intern a walkie talkie that goes to the whole jobsite

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

In a meeting right now and all I can think about when I look at this guy is that he knows I own blowjob mints #himandmybossarelikethis🤞

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

Everyday I’m actively trying to not shit my pants and I just know that in time I’m going to fail

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

I miss my college roommate like a drafted man misses his wife

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

Who roofied my 9 long islands last night

[Debbie Downer @ANGELBABYBITTY]

Holiday weekend and I’m ready to get my pussy eaten clean off the bone

[Phyllis @Phyllis067]

This is the biggest log I’ve ever pushed out before