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I WATCH SHIT AND YELL ABOUT IT.

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MARK WAHLBERG, MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STOP 9/11 IF YOU DIDN'T WASTE ALL YOUR TIME MAKING SHITTY MOVIES LIKE "CONTRABAND".

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SOPA, PIPA, ACTA. ARE THERE NO GOOD FOUR LETTER WORDS ANYMORE?!?! OH RIGHT. "FUCK". #CURSEWORDSFTW

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"DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK" IS COMING OUT SOON. I HATE MOVIES THAT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. THAT'S DICTATORSHIP, GODDAMMIT! THIS IS AMERICA!

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THE REMAKE OF CONAN THE BARBARIAN IS OUT. THAT'S THE SECOND SCHWARZENEGGER REMAKE, AND THERE'S STILL NO REMAKE OF JUNIOR! THE FUCK?!

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CAPTAIN AMERICA WAS A GREAT MOVIE, ACTUALLY. YA KNOW WHY? BECAUSE FUCKING AMERICA!

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MR. POPPER'S PENGUINS PERPETUATES PENGUINS' PRIMARY PORTRAYALS IN POORLY PUT TOGETHER PIECES OF POOP. #ALLITERATION

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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, HOW DID YOU EXPECT TO KEEP YOUR LOVE CHILD A SECRET WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S PREGNANT? WAIT, THIS *ISN'T* "JUNIOR"?

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MOB WIVES, NICE JOB GIVING JERSEY SHORE A RUN FOR ITS MONEY. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. GO FUCK YOURSELF.

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FREELANCE WHALES? FUCK, THE FAIL WHALE'S ESCAPED! #ORISTHATAGOODTHING...

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NICOLAS CAGE GOT ARRESTED ON THE CHARGE OF ABUSE. IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE PAYED FOR "THE WICKER MAN".

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Do you knowyou kinda remind me of South Park's Eric Cartma… — A WORTHY COMPARISON. THAT KID KNOWS HOW TO BE PISSED. http://4ms.me/heFubo

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MANSWERS, STOP TRYING TO BE A MYTHBUSTERS THAT PEOPLE CAN JACK OFF TO.

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GLENN BECK IS QUITTING HIS SHOW. IN OTHER NEWS, THE AMOUNT OF TEARS CRIED ON TELEVISION HAVE DROPPED 40%.

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#THINGSTHATPISSMEOFF OH SHIT, WHERE DO I BEGIN?

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Are you ever calm? — THIS ONE TIME I TOOK A SLEEPING PILL BY ACCIDENT. THAT CHILLED ME A LITTLE BIT. http://4ms.me/eOsk7U

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#DISNEYPICKUPLINES WANNA GET WITH *THE* LION KING?

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#DISNEYPICKUPLINES HEY BABY, WANNA MEET A VERY SPECIAL KIND OF ROBINSON?

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What things do you do to stay healthy? — I WATCH "SUPER SIZE ME" SO I LOSE MY APPETITE FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS. BES… http://4ms.me/hew7uk

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HEY, REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE GAVE A FUCK ABOUT THE KCAS? YEAH. I STOPPED AROUND THE SAME TIME I STOPPED SHITTING MY DIAPIE.

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STUDIOS LIKED "NO STRINGS ATTACHED" SO MUCH THAT THEY DECIDED TO MAKE THE EXACT FUCKING THING A FEW MONTHS LATER. #FRIENDWITHBENEFITS