Pittsburgh Press

I used to be a newspaper, then I closed, because I was a newspaper. (Let's not worry about that whole strike thing) #parodyaccount

[Pittsburgh Press @PittsburghPress]

It rained today. That's about all our reporters could muster together after the Turkey Day weekend.

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Watch out for flash flooding tonight, folks. Not just for water either, but our reporter, Doug. He left the office without his pants.

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Bing Crosby is beating kids faster than Jerry Sandusky can grope them though. That we can confirm.

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Dammit, our reporters are still hungover from Light Up Night. Sadly, Bobby Crosby is not rejoining the Pirates.

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Bobby Crosby is rejoining the Pirates! That's what everyone is excited about, right?

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Tonight is Pittsburgh Light Up Night! We here at the Press will be lighting up all night to try and forget about our miserable news jobs.

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North Shore Connector is ready for tests. Port Authority is seeking volunteers to be locked inside, are you man enough? http://t.co/cmiZ8sMT

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So I'm an afternoon, online only edition now? Sounds like more pants-free days for me!

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We're back, baby! But print isn't, print is still as dead as Andy Rooney.

[Pittsburgh Press @PittsburghPress]

Merry Christmas everyone! Sorry for the late tweet, our staff was too drunk on Egg Nog to remember what day it was.

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HIDE YO' KIDS HIDE YO' WIFE THIS SNOW STORM IS RAPING EVERYBODY!

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Rendell introduced a short term plan to assist the Port Authority. When asked about the long term, he coughed & said something about bribes.

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The rain in the area is not expected to continue overnight as it is sure to kill us all after nightfall.

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Parking on the Mon Wharf will be closed tomorrow. One of our reporters got drunk and urinated in the river last night, sorry about that.

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We here at the Pittsburgh Press hope everyone has Happy Thanksgiving this year! Wait wait, that was yesterday?

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No delays at airports today due to screenings. Big delays having Tribs delivered, we stole them and made people grope us to get their copy.

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The Steelers play today, someone wrecked their car last night, Light Up Night happened and it's going to be cold this week. #boomreported

[Pittsburgh Press @PittsburghPress]

Something went on downtown yesterday and something is going on there today. Something with lights? Damn reporters couldn't figure it out.

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Kicker Jeff Reed was cut by the Steelers yesterday. What, you knew that already? Dammit!

[Pittsburgh Press @PittsburghPress]

I used to be a newspaper, then I closed, because I was a newspaper. (Let's not worry about that whole strike thing)