NotJimmyPorter

Howdy! I’m the fully unauthorized parody account of the finest police chief to ever stick it to campus safety. #ScrewCOCC #JimmyPorterRulez

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@thebulletin We build a bridge today and the next thing you know it’s ladders over our #SouthernBorderWall. Not on my watch we don’t!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@ACLU I am personally going to travel to the next @49ers game to arrest Corwin Kaeoaepernicks for being a communist.

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@ewarren I’ve directed my department @BendCityPolice and my good foot rub buddy John Hormel from the @DeschutesCounty DA’s office to put a nationwide warrant for your arrest under violation of #McCarthyism, you damn commie hippie!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@tedwheeler Joey is a good man, clearly. You can tell because he runs a group that are both #patriots and #preyers! They #BackTheBleu!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@tedwheeler Clearly you hippies are in line with the fascist #antifa. It’s time to let a real police Department step in and do the work for you. @BendCityPolice and I will clean up this town the way it used to be done before the libs took over.

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @VisitBendOR We don’t have real crime here, sunny! Our @BendCityPolice make sure to remove any criminal brown people before they have a chance to commit crime. We’re safer than @BeavertonPolice! Our officers smell better too!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @PortlandCC @BendCityPolice I don’t know what a loyd Center is, but I can tell you that they are illegally #ImpersonatingAPoliceOfficer and the best DA in the world, #JohnHummel, has directed me and my department @BendCityPolice to arrest all of them!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

The impending snowstorm that’s about to hit Portland is The Baby Jesus’s punishment for @PortlandCC public “safety” officers fakity fake fakery imitation of REAL LAW ENFORCEMENT like MY precious @BendCityPolice. I will be filing a warrant for all of their arrests!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@wordyjules You know, this ISN’T communist China! We have cars for a reason. Bicycles should be kept in the garage like the baby Jesus intended, not blocking traffic like they frequently do!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@thebulletin @magicityhippies Wait! There were #hippies in my city!?! I’ll have you know that we fully intend to have them arrested on very good charges and we WILL make sure they spend a very long time in jail thinking about their crimes.

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

Listen here, #libs! The only way to make your @ORCommColleges safe is if you pay for, I mean contract with my @BendCityPolice officers at every community college throughout Oregon. Do any of you commies have the stones to pay us, I mean, protect your schools?

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @CityofBend I am very big on education, so much so, that I spent 17 years in K-12 before taking classes at #FakeNews #liberal #COCC. There I was able to get my ass degree in exactly 7 years of full time study!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

One of these is a real police car in eastern Oregon and the other is a #fakenews security faker with a fake “police” look to try and fool the citizens of @CityofBend. We at @BendCityPolice support real, not fake, public safety!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @CityofBend I’ll have you know, I’ve paid exorbitantly large sums of money to send my children to private colleges in other states that have real police forces to protect them!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @CityofBend Wait! That’s a security guard? I thought @ORStatePolice had assigned Mall Troopers!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@jacobsoboroff @SenJeffMerkley If they wanted to be Americans then they would have had the good sense to have ancestors born here who freed the land from the hands of those godless Indians.

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@KATUNews The #DevilsLettuce is no replacement for medically proven opiates. #medicalmarijuana is being foisted on us god fearing people by #LiberalHippies and #BabyKillers like @PPFA

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@Jake_E_Consig @SenJeffMerkley @realDonaldTrump @CityofBend @ACLU_OR #FakeNews!

[NotJimmyPorter @PorterNot]

@CentralORScan Every day I wake up to find more pop ups taking up my screen. It’s so bad I can’t even play #MineSweeper because of all the porn, I mean advertisements.