EAL

A Human

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Scream at a coworker to learn to fucking use Google and you have to go to sensitivity training.

[wint @dril]

the architect from the matrix lives in a goon cave? Can we talk about this?

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

Is Jesus gonna fight somebody?

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Attention people who post recipes online, no one gives a fuck about how this quick and easy homemade cheese sauce touched you and your family's life. Post the damn formula and let me get on with my nachos.

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Can't believe the 10th anniversary of Prometheus passed and no one gave a shit*. #last2022thoughts *Except Ridley Scott

[Pastor Alex @PastorAlexLove]

Whoever did this is NOT FUNNY 😡

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

high school was a confusing time for me…on many levels

[baby smith @itsBABYSMITH]

a quilt made of cheese slices. it's time.

[Frankzulla @frankzulla]

So we've got regular, Greek and French yogurt making a splash in the diary case at the supermarkets. I think the world is ripe for an AMERICAN style yogurt that is filled with wholesome local ingredients like PORK GRISTLE and MILLER LITE

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Man With English Accent: Will this be a daytime or evening event?

Me: Um, evening I think.

Man: Wonderful, sir! Casual or formal?

Me: Casual, I guess?

Man: Sporty or something with classic lines?

Me: Hey man, can you please just sell me a box of condoms?

[mark normand @marknorm]

Breakfast in bed means someone cares about you. Dinner in bed means you're so very alone

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Theres two very distinct breeds of people at the grocery store. One takes a cart and immediately gets moving, the second grabs a cart, turns it 90 degrees in relation to the other carts before proceeding to outfit it like its a Conestoga wagon thats headed west for a land claim.

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Just for kicks I put my sunglasses on the back of my head and now I own a jet ski and a barbed wire bicep tattoo.

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

@peakoilwarrior Is the twist that the man was you?

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

I feel you, smartphone holster guy, sometimes you just gotta make all those pockets jealous.

[Duncan Trussell @duncantrussell]

This week democracy is on the ballot so don’t vote for it. Instead of the weirdos running things wouldn’t it be nice to have a handsome king with a cool beard and a magic sword? Vote monarchy. It’s the right choice.

[Gerry Canavan (parody) @gerrycanavan]

Elon Musk destroying Twitter for all of us who weren’t strong enough to delete our accounts on our own is basically a shot-for-shot remake of Gollum stealing the Ring from Frodo and falling into Mt. Doom

[wint @dril]

grandma knit me a nice warm pair of gamer gauntlets so i don't mess up my knuckles when i punch holes in the wall

[EAL @PostedandBeamed]

Did you know that if you eat a lightly cooked, over easy egg served atop a slice of homemade chicken pot pie, the Devil will appear and slowly, sadly shake his head at you before disappearing in embarrassment.

[mark normand @marknorm]

You never hear about the ‘grammar Jews’