Your Bartender

Your bartender hates you, and these are the reasons why.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you're not drunk you're not drinking enough.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Asking your bartender "what's good here" is like asking a bathroom attendant if they know a good place to sit down and take a shit.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

No, homeless person, the bar won't loan you money for a few hours. And when you come back don't be shocked when you're asked to leave again.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you stiff your bartender, don't be fucking surprised if they don't give a shit when a barback takes your drink if you leave it unattended

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If your bartender is honest, and returns you a $20 bill because it was stuck to another one, you better fucking tip better than 10%. Fuck.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

A lot of people know the owner of the bar. And when you bring up that you do, your bartender thinks you're a douche looking for a discount.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you leave the bar you're in before it gets busy, your bartender thinks you're a quitter.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Your bartender doesn't get a weekend. So be fucking nice to them.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you ask for less ice in your drink your bartender hates you, because you are a moron.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Time does not treat us all equally.

"Holy shit its already 1:00!" - customer.

"Holy shit... Its ONLY 1:00!?" - your bartender.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Rare burgers to go? Have fun eating cold pink cow, bro.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Where moccasins and then point to them when someone asks why you'd play Mumford & Sons on the jukebox in a sports bar.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

When you tell Your Bartender that you're a big tipper, Y.B. knows you're a liar. Tippers just tip, just like ballers just ball.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

.@andrewperloff no such thing as over tipping, too many people under or don't even.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

"You could smile, ya know?" - idiot

"Yeah, walking around constantly smiling won't make me look like a fucking creep OR a dumbass!" - Y.B.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Don't ever ask your bartender why they aren't smiling. If you weren't the reason before, you are after you ask that question.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

Your bartender doesn't want to clean up your lottery scratchings, you degenerate gambler.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you pre-order food and your bartender tells you it'll be done in 10 minutes, get there in 10 minutes or don't complain when it's cold.

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

As if @Applebees food wasn't bad enough #Craplebees RT @OwenBenjamin: Lets boycott Applebee's! http://t.co/rOuxahtG SUCH bullshit

[Your Bartender @PourBartender]

If you're a grown man and you want cherries in your drink, your bartender hates you.